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I just took a look at the blog, as is, and decided the tiny header isn't a very good explanation for this blog. I don't suppose any subset of the posts will explain it too well either, and it's not that I think I can do a very good job now. I just think it needs some sort of an explanation. At least an introduction that's not all that brief.

The actual reason I started writing? Well... A rather unexpected invitation got me to join twitter, and though I mocked it at first (why would I want to know if _______ is having lunch?), I found I actually like to let my thoughts out in words and keep some kind of record of them. So, I liked having thoughts and writing them. But 140 characters can only hold so much information, and I'd been hooked, so I discovered blogging. In fact, I first officially found blogging amusing when I read through Belle de Jour's blog during a particularly unproductive week or so. It's like keeping a diary, sort of. Only I'm well aware of the fact that others might read this (which every so often results in a paranoid fit where I make sure I'm the only one who can read it... and people who guess my password, but then again I change it too, and I don't use very conventional passwords, so...)

So yes, originally, this was intended just to keep track of my thoughts and dreams. Keeping up with my dreams is amusing, trying to make sense of them and finding patterns is almost therapeutic (have you noticed the "cheap psychology" label yet?). But then there's also my everyday musings. I've now trained myself to think of things all day before I get to write them, and plan on it... I look forward to putting things down in writing and being able to muse over them. Some of the posts are addressed at some kind of bogus audience (I suppose both the "About Me" page and this one do that too). I'm a bit like Gollum, like that, except I don't often write as if I were more than one person. The reason for that, if anyone's interested, is that kings used to speak that way and I think I'd come across as feeling entitled. I think like Gollum because I'm something of a crazy person. 

I write things down because they need to be said. Because I need them out of my system. Not exactly because they need to be known, and there's a subtle difference, because only some of them probably should be known (only the timing would be off by years, I fear).

As anyone's bound to notice, I'm not a very sociable person. I was spoiled and got used to sharing my dreams and thoughts, used to discussions, used to random things I no longer have access to (and have quite lost the touch for).  Sharing would be ideal, because of the whole "feedback" thing, but I can only create the illusion of sharing the blog by keeping it public.

You'll find I don't know myself all that well. Counting zero people I'm telling all this to, that would leave only the blog to "know me all that well," if it were self-aware. Then again, that's more in the realm of silly fantasies, terrible films (because somehow self-aware machines always go into a murderous rampage in films), and short stories. Seeing as I just thought of this, I could probably give it a shot. I might want to write the story of my blog becoming self-aware. Only not today. Not if I want to try and have a future where I don't starve to death.


You'll find a lot of that here... thoughts drifting and then maybe not coming back. Especially frustrating when blogger fails to save my writings and I feel I had a particularly nice wording for a given idea. And that's admitting I'm not a particularly brilliant writer. I am somewhat of a grammar-crazed neurotic, but you'd find I don't follow quite a few rules. For instance I'll ignore the "correct" placement of a period when there are parenthesis, quotation marks and other symbols inovlved, or start sentences with "And"... I heard of an excuse for that in the film Finding Forrester (not that I remember much else of the film) and I'm sure I'm still not using it correctly. There's also the occasional typo, but I only bother fixing those when I re-read the posts, and I only re-read the posts when I have a reason to go looking for them (which, incidentally, is almost never).

By the way, I doubt any one person other than myself would understand every single reference made here. In particular, it would be very hard to match all abbreviations with actual people and cities. I've kept abbreviations for privacy's sake, just in case people end up reading. If I know you, then you'll probably find the name appointed to your person. If you know me, you'll even manage to figure out some of the other names. Not all of them, though. Very unlikely indeed.

That's that, I believe. I can't make up a better excuse for this blog, not that it needs one.