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Monday, 18 August 2014

Designated driver

So, I didn't bring it up before (when it actually happened) but there's a 100% chance that I had a feeling Md had/has feelings for me. It got awkward when she started asking about my love life and, in particular, for interest in Rl. Even though she already knows the person I'm interested in is decidedly not Rl (well, the latest person I've had a crush on, anyway, and the other one's not even in this time zone so... still not Rl). It was weird. Anyway, I had time to think Rl was interested, if only in getting into my pants, because he followed a certain pattern of "let's do lots of things together!" followed by quite a bit of silence I've come to associate with a couple other people who were interested (or sort of, anyway). And then on Saturday he asked if I'd like to go to a milonga. I explained I have no money and he offered to pay for me, which was awfully nice of him, and drive me there if I drove to his place first. We made small agreements where I offered to give him rides to the airport and such and he'll have my back for tango events he's attending too. He talked me into attending an advanced seminar with a teacher I can only describe as a pothead maths fanatic who just so happens to know quite a bit of tango. I attended the workshop and he left early to go work. Then later, around 9pm, he told me he was going out with a couple other of the tango people (pothead teacher included) and asked if I'd like to come with. I didn't need a lot of convincing, and I had no problem being the designated driver. 

I was a bit sorry to miss out on YAP's housewarming/welcome back to town party. On the one hand, I was already engaged with the tango people and I didn't want to risk seeing Nd or Md. On the other, Kl was there and there's a non-negligible chance that someone I would have liked to see was there. Alas! It was not to be. I might get together with YAP sometime later today to welcome him. 

Rl reminds me of EBF somewhat. Same strong façade to cover some emotional frailness. Same macho vibe and easygoing nature. Same we-could-be-good-friends feeling. He called me nice. I'm not sure what to make of it, because there's a chance (I find myself really doubting men's words lately) that he didn't mean half of what he said, but he said I was nice. It was in the context of him not wanting to see anyone for his birthday and how he's been away from people other than his closest friends and I asked about being the only obvious exception to that rule. He said I was nice and he doesn't often meet such nice people. It's not the first time I'm called nice and it's more often than not said to imply people will take advantage of me, but he was quite insistent on buying me something. The soft drinks I had (all I had, really) were on the nice waitress who decided to not charge me for them and I refused to get anything else he'd have to pay for. Part of the whole "not taking people up on nice offers" thing I have going on. If he's nice enough to offer I won't be un-nice enough to take advantage of him, especially not after he paid for Saturday's milonga. Even if it was not a huge sum, it was a nice gesture I've had no real way to repay and I feel a bit odd just taking from others. It's not that I'm obsessed with making the score even, I don't care if others take more than they give me, I just don't personally feel comfortable being the person who takes more than they give. I'm weird like that (and in other ways, I suppose). 

It will soon be SmTn's birthday. I've already tweaked and edited the e-mail I want to send him a few times. I'm a bit anxious about not getting a response to any of the last messages I sent him and I wonder sometimes if he's somehow not received them. I hope to at least get a nod in the form of a smiley face to let me know he received my message and I got him to smile. 

This is one spread out post, isn't it? *sigh* That's what I get for falling out of the habit of writing...

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