Search This Blog

Friday, 2 May 2014

Rainbow everything. If you don't want to read about pride, move on.

It's late. I should be going to sleep. I really should be going to sleep, actually, because it's not only late but it's late on a day when I've agreed to be in the office at 8:30am. It's downright inconvenient. But there were plans with the PRIDE officers to go out and play laser tag and I thought maybe they'd be there, maybe they wouldn't (they weren't) and it was the last day I got to see NGBB before he leaves and... have I ever needed an excuse to hang out with the PRIDE people?

It started out with laser tag and then we stopped to buy some food and then met to watch a film and play cards and talk. It's sweet because we were offered healthy fruit smoothies (to be spiked by those who wanted to drink, but it was absolutely optional) and it was all in good fun even when all we did was watch awful game shows and joke about the contestants and the ridiculousness of it all. 

In the spirit of honesty, it being midnight and the fact that I'd been on the verge of telling him at least twice before (not that he would have caught on), I told NGBB about them. I even told him my sexual experience consists of giving a guy blow jobs a good 8 years ago. I was surprisingly nervous. I didn't expect to be, in the safety of a car and an understanding audience who had shared quite a bit with me already. I still felt a need to just go through with it and say it. I did and it was exhilarating. NGBB is not the first person I tell about them. I've told A, EBF, the people in group... he's just the first to know both of us. He almost misunderstood me and thought we'd gotten something going until I explained all I've done is glance their way and cheesily contemplate the way their eyes twinkle when they laugh. I omitted the part where I've been showing up places I think they might be. I told him I think it's hopeless and nothing will ever happen. He started telling me about his earlier days of realising he was gay and sort of got cut off when we arrived at his place. I intend to stay in touch with him, if only to ask how his week at home went and how his new internship pans out. 

I didn't get to tell him and I don't suppose he would've understood, but I'll say it now: thanks, NGBB. So much more than YAP constantly telling me he loves me and complimenting me and sending heart icons in messages (it's quickly starting to get old), the fact that you were the real flesh person I'm half close with and can be that honest with means the world to me. 

No comments:

Post a Comment