## Monday, 5 May 2014

### Forever Alone

I could write about PRIDE again today, but I won't. I could write about how I started a mind map designed to build an essay about being an ally to be turned into a presentation and how I want to follow that presentation with a series of videos or comics depicting scenarios where you have a choice to be a good ally. I could be typing up $\LaTeX$ code for the lecture notes I'm not quite done with yet so I don't feel so bad not getting back to the nice maths professor. I could be touching up on the common misconceptions and reading more about gender identity, gender expression and sexual orientation. I could be doing the graphs Pf2 asked for, or reading about how to analyze the data. I'm not. Because I could be working on the sex ed section I had thought of for the newcomers and I can't. I can't because I asked EBF for advice next week and he agreed to give me some feedback if I reached him on Sunday. I asked if I should rather wait for him to signal that he was not busy, but he said to contact him on Sunday. Yesterday was Sunday. All day, I didn't hear from EBF. Around 10pm, I sent him my list of YouTube videos for him to look at and give me opinions and suggestions about. I noticed he received the message but he didn't say anything. I waited until today but still had no answer, so I just asked: "opinions? suggestions?" and he just wrote back saying he had a lot to say, just no time to say it and he felt bad about it (yeah, sure). It occurs to me now that EBF is doing exactly what he said SmTn shouldn't do. He's dragging me along and insisting on me being his friend indefinitely even though he can't be a good friend to me. He's being selfish and it should not have taken me that long to see it. So... I could write about PRIDE, but I won't. I will just write about howI'm putting aside the notion of false friendships and giving up on them (friendships with SmTn and EBF)