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Thursday, 3 April 2014

She hugged me goodbye!


The excitement!!!

So... I attended today's PRIDE meeting. I tried to remember the group's advice when dealing with the anxiety that took over: if I have fun in PRIDE and am just myself I stand a better chance at not being anxious and maybe talking to her. This time I didn't feel she was avoiding my gaze. I didn't see her covering her face or looking away. If anything, I often saw her looking in my general direction, though more likely than not at the person next to me when he was talking. Doesn't matter. I still think I caught a few of her glances my way. 

And maybe it was because I was glancing her way so much it was rather on the verge of staring. But I don't think I caught her shying away uncomfortably. When the meeting was over and the social gathering began, I followed my friend from the shabbat, NGBB, (because he's lovely) and we sat and formed a bit of a circle and more people sat around us, mostly gay men (or rather, more loudly), catty gay men. It got very weird quite fast and even he didn't quite know what to say and how to follow in the conversation. 

I was sorry to see the group of mostly girls next to us, including the girl I talked to the most during the night out bowling, Tx, and her. But Tx eventually sat next to me and we got to talk for a while and I told her about tango and she got excited and now maybe she and Ax will join us (granted I get the green light to ease what I think were doubts on Ax's part, which he's right to have). And she eventually joined our circle too. She just lay over a couple of the guys right in front of me. She laughed heartily at the jokes and her eyes were twinkling and I couldn't stop smiling and sometimes worried that I could be blushing and hoped it could be excused by the laughing even though I wasn't really following any of their conversations or really understanding their jokes. I did, for the first time, find use for the time I spent watching a few too many (not possible) RuPaul's Drag Race episodes and learning the lingo. I also found out I have a long way to go, though. *The more you know* (This one is so appropriate in PRIDE). 

Most excitingly, though, and you can guess this from the title of this post, she hugged me goodbye!

I don't think I'm allowed to feel special, because she was hugging everyone goodbye and she sort of hesitated before it was NGBB's turn and then mine but she hugged me goodbye and said it was nice seeing me and she smelled gorgeous and I have not been able to get this grin off my face ever since. I just hope she's there for tomorrow's meeting and I can maybe try to talk to her a tiny bit and at least guarantee I'll always get a hug because... *shudders* They are awesome! Even if she just sort of wrapped her arm around a side of me from behind and all I could do was lightly touch her arm as she did so... ooohhhh! the warm fuzzy feelings... There's a bit more to it than that, though. I'm also very happy about how nice Tx and Ax were about wanting to take me to the parking lot because it was late and dark and they were worried and I adore them for it. I'm smiling even more because I adore everyone in PRIDE and they're all just so nice and.... her twinkling eyes!

Here. Rest your eyes from that .gif

This is just some empty space now.

And now some music. 

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