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Monday, 17 February 2014

Shoes and chocolates

Night before last I had quite a few dreams, none of which I bothered to write down at the time and most of which I no longer remember. I know there was one about SmTn and there was another about EBF finding the message I left him (which he has, to this day, not responded to, so he probably hasn't seen it yet...). Last night I had a rather unsettling one. One where uncle A smoked and was talking to someone on the phone about my sister and forbade her bringing her boyfriend home because my sister was obviously a sex fiend and would do nothing other than have sex with him while he was over which was inadmissible. The word he used to describe her was uncommon to me but it was very straightforward in its meaning and very hurtful (I can't remember the proper term now). I remember crying and trying to stand up to him for her, saying he couldn't call her that and had no right to believe such things about her, especially with her being such a good girl. He admitted she was, but that such things can't be helped and he just wouldn't allow it and it made me so angry. The worst part of this dream was waking up and knowing such things aren't beneath the As in real life. 

After getting back from classes and while having a somewhat pointless conversation with A I dozed off for some time and had another dream. One about SmTn where I lived with him and (our?/a?) little boy about 2 years old in a two story house. Mum was visiting and I remember stopping to pick up our shoes from where they were quite neatly placed on the floor to put them in a closet somewhere and the feeling while doing so was quite endearing. I was putting things away both to make the house presentable for mum and because doing such a little thing as putting the shoes away for SmTn seemed like such a nice thing to do, especially after he arranged them so neatly also thinking of something nice to do for me. It sounds a little silly now that I write it down but I imagine such are the little joys of everyday life living with your partner in a romantic relationship. The loving gesture behind "I'll do something I'm not particularly fond of doing because I know it will make you happy to see it done and you've done such things for me too" means the world to me. I can't help but just know it's exactly what I'd do (even I'm a bit too lazy to do it now) and it's something I could expect from real-life SmTn (and not just dream-SmTn). It's part of that whole "you make me want to be a better person" package, I think. 

Oh, the thoughts entertained!


On a different note, tango led to an unusual event last night. I met a physics undergrad student. He asked why $0 + 0i =0$ and I explained it using the axioms that define a field, or more simply just a ring, which I hope was the right answer. I at first only talked him through it but when the class was over and I sat down to watch the intermediates dancing he sat next to me and I wrote it down for him on paper. I was eating chocolates, so I offered him some. He took out a huge (10cm+10cm at least) slab of white chocolate decorated with red hearts. I figured he intended to share it but I felt bad about him opening it for me so I didn't bother. I just asked if it was all done in chocolate and he mentioned working in a French bakery/pastry shop. When the explanations and small talk were done he got up to leave, but didn't pick up his chocolate, offering it to me. I kindly declined, but he insisted and said it was nothing because of his job. I said he should at least take another one of my chocolates and he said it was a fair trade and left. So now I'm stuck with a piece of chocolate I don't feel like eating (even though I've been binging on chocolate like you wouldn't believe lately). It just makes me uneasy, is all. 

Even if it really meant little to him, it was a gift for him from someone else (I don't care if it was work) and he could have given it to just about anyone else in his life. Why choose the girl he met that day who just so happened to be able to explain a very simple mathematical fact? Even if he was just being nice, I apparently take issue with such gestures because I can't quite ever think they're completely altruistic and I fear there's always something off to be expected. I'm broken, is what I'm saying.

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