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Monday, 2 December 2013

Dirty

Oh, Epitome of All Things Clean! You are absolutely right to think that one should never wash one's hands in the kitchen sink! How silly of me! How would it occur to me to use running water and the readily available hand soap to wash my hands there when you prefer me to use the sink in my restroom? Why, you never use the sink in your restroom when you've touched something you think is unclean. The bacteria and dirt you so much fear and abhor is to remain away from you. Except for when you fail to wash your hands or feet for very long periods of time and then eat with dirty hands and put your crusty hoofs in slippers. So very hygienic. As hygienic as mopping the house with a bucket of dirty water ("so as to not waste water" or goodness knows what fucked up reason you excuse yourself with). As hygienic as the E. coli ridden shopping cart, fruit and vegetables. As hygienic as keeping food in the fridge for years. As hygienic as having blue cheese that wasn't blue when it first got there. As hygienic as having dead flies all over the fridge. As hygienic as never replacing the water filter or never ever cleaning the microwave oven. As hygienic as never cleaning or replacing the metallic grill that hangs over the stove, where steam collects before dropping back into whatever you're cooking. As hygienic as food that's been on the kitchen floor for days, whether spilled or dropped somewhere "out of sight." But it's absolutely wrong for me to wash my hands in the kitchen sink because I must want you to die of salmonella/AIDS/bacterial cancer/the plague. Which I bring with me everyday from being on the bus and touching nothing, and from sitting in uncle A's car. Of course. 

*Nazgûl shriek*

I don't have patience for this shit! I have work to do! I have a report and a project due in tomorrow! I have test questions due in on Wednesday and an exam on Thursday! I have a lot to worry about and true reasons to busy myself other than your stupid and idiotic claims of what makes your kitchen and food dirty. The bloody food in the fridge is far dirtier than the kitchen tap. I am not dirtying the tap by touching it with he back of my wrist. You are being ridiculously irrational and so help me the powers that don't be I fucking hate, hate, it when you try to impose "your way of doing things" which have absolutely no evidence to back them up as being in any way better than mine. Not when you argue that bigger perfume bottles make the perfume inside them evaporate or turn rancid more quickly. Not when you argue that washing one's hands in the kitchen sink dirties your food. How the fuck would it?!

What a horrible state of mind to work with. Thanks aunt A. I doubted whether I'd get any sleep tonight. Now I know I won't because I know I won't be sleeping tonight. Does that help you sleep better at night?

Also, I may have been hungry when I got here but I got a glass full of juice and even if I get hungry letter, I'll just go ahead and starve.

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