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Saturday, 28 December 2013


Behind the times for this, I know. I should know. But bear in mind typing is very hard when I'm not on a computer and the intersection of "time I get by my self" and "time I get with a computer" isn't all that large. It will seem odd, then, when I point out so late in the game that I very much wanted to wish SmTn a merry Christmas. I only wished A a merry Christmas but I couldn't not say anything to SmTn. Except I couldn't say anything to him either. So I thought it was very clever (not) to set "Merry Christmas!" as my Skype mood message. Which I later found out was virtually invisible (I couldn't see it from my sister's account, which would mean SmTn couldn't either.) What was I supposed to do? I've been thinking about him a lot, taking pictures with the sole purpose of imagining all the things I'd tell him and... you know, in general, he's just been on my mind a lot. 

Well, he either managed to see my mood message (which would have been written exclusively for him, mind you) or he didn't. What is certain is that he had the same idea: even if we're not talking, wishing each other a merry Christmas ought to be fair game. I don't know if it is, but he sent me a "Happy Christmas" message last night and it. made. my. day. Both yesterday and today. He was thinking of me too! I wished him a merry Christmas and held back from adding a :) with it, because that, my dear children, could be considered flirting and he's a taken man. I very much wanted to talk, to tell him things, to have him tell me things, to joke about Christmas and festivities and talk about vacations and... but it was not allowed, so I turned away from the screen with some not-so-small degree of sadness to hear another message come through from his side. It was Guns N' Roses singing "Estranged." Like so:

Not quite the Guns N' Roses connoisseur myself, I had to quickly look up the lyrics to the song and think of a quick response. This is what I came up with:

Truth be told, I sort of chose it based on two things (mostly): the phrase "young at heart" is used in the Guns N' Roses song and it's my holiday song of the year, because I quite suddenly remembered it at some point this December. There's a tiny bit more to it, though. If I understand the lyrics correctly for "Estranged"... it's kind of a love song for the one who got away. And my song basically says "Fairytales can come true." Which, admittedly, is entirely the wrong thing for a virtual mistress to say to an emotionally cheating man but... it's what I came up with. I must say I quite like it, as a response. I just wish there were more to all this, though. More than both of us just sending :) in the end. More than wishing him a happy new year (now I feel I'm "allowed to" and I'm already planning how to best spend the precious few lines I think won't be too much). More than the dream I had about him last night where he was here. He'd come here to get me.

He was here with guy friends but he'd come here exclusively to get me. To be with me. He was only missing the old man's permission and had already sort of earned my mum's and my sister's surprise and approval. I remember him driving a car and setting the radio station to news of his home country and thinking it was adorable. So, a detail I had to come back to add in is that he opened bottles of champagne and maybe was a bit too fond of the drinks. Maybe he was all about celebrating seeing me. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that the thought crossed my mind last night "he's drunk texting me a merry Christmas."

There should be more to all this! I had a glimpse at the possibility (but not really) of re-visiting the town where summer school was hosted. And my first thoughts are directed to SmTn, taking pictures and showing them to him, sending him a postcard with a witty/clever/nonsensical/silly/very-me message to tell him "I was here and I was thinking of you." Which is oh-so-very-wrong. *sigh*

All I want for Christmas (pardon the corniness) is you, darling SmTn. Our brief exchange last night was the best gift I got this year. I love you.

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