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Wednesday, 30 October 2013

I don't even know why I bother

The pyramid scheme EBF tried to get me to join was put in a list of frauds to be looked into. It was on a reputable (I think) magazine's website and I chanced upon it reading the news. I don't know why I care enough to tell EBF about it and to suggest he might want to jump ship. "Jump ship. You may want to consider jumping ship. ASAP. Quick"

I don't know why I fucking bother. What do I fucking care? Why do I worry about him even now? Why do I tell him about things he probably knows?

I have one possible answer: because I don't want to fully believe he knew it was a scam and deliberately tried to sell me into it. I would rather believe he, a smart and perfectly capable person, fell prey to the scam and was brainwashed into genuinely thinking it was a good thing, than think he was deliberately lying to me. I know his morals are not without reproach, but I always thought I could trust him to be good to me/around me. It's the way it used to be and goodness knows why I think it should be that way even now. 

I'm horrible at letting go. 

Oh, what do you know? He's trying to stand by his shady company. He's trying to defend it. He thinks there's a fucking difference. Well, fuck it. Now I know for sure I was stupid to worry. He's either that brainwashed or he seriously doesn't mind lying like that to my face. I'm done doing anything about my worries. I'll go on worrying in silence now.

Soundtrack of the day: Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody."

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