Search This Blog

Wednesday, 7 August 2013

New levels of procrastination

I'm a woman of my word, except for the times when I promise myself (or others) I'll do some kind of work where procrastination can get in the way. Each and every single time I'll give in and procrastinate. That's just what it is.

So, even though I should be researching and reading and preparing questions so I'll know what the fuck I'm doing when I start working with Pf2 (because it's now clear he has absolutely no idea what it is I'm supposed to be doing beyond "make sense of his numbers"), I find myself finding other things to amuse myself with. Besides the obvious daydreaming, dreaming-and-forgetting-to-write-down-the-dreams (all I remember now from last night's dreams was a small-ish dinosaur, perhaps a velociraptor, wanting to eat me... my sister and I were supposed to take it for a walk but it insisted on nibbling and biting me, so I threw a hen at it, we ran and "trapped" it as best we could before running to get help), there's music. Namely, Les Misérables. Still. I took the time to watch the 2012 film this afternoon and I'm contemplating watching it again or watching Cyrano de Bergerac before going to sleep. I ended up deciding I just might take up reading the book. In French, no less. It will take forever (or it should, at any rate) and yet I'd rather do that than study or do anything productive. I actually forced myself to open the publications I'm supposed to study and start reading and highlighting them... only to come to the blog and write about how little I'm getting done. Through insanely long sentences, at that. Sorry about those first two in this paragraph, but I found myself about to throw in a period when I realised I wasn't quite done with the clause and by the time I was done... well, the sentence was just too long and I can't be bothered to go back and shorten them.

I'm in a talkative mood. The kind it's awful to have when you have no one to talk to. I won't attempt to talk to EBF, I learned my lesson. I've no interest in talking to A, and AOB is off the radar, as far as I can tell. So is CtThumbe. I haven't heard from N1 since... goodness, it's been months. Even talking to CtW, finding out how she's doing with her ever-so-pretty subject for a thesis would be fun. Not quite in the mood for that, though. I sort of wish I could talk to SmTn but I'm almost too embarrassed to, after the whole technological faux pas and no longer being able to tell when he's online and available to talk and when he's just "online." Not to mention... it's now starting to seem like forever since his last e-mail. It could just be this crippling self-esteem of mine, but it feels a bit like he doesn't really want to talk to me and only comes out to talk to me a few days after I've written him a shy "Hi, I'm alive... here's what I've been up to... " e-mail like I'm somehow guilting him into it. Don't I just want to live under a rock and make friends with the shadows there? I'd at least get used to the silence or somehow learn to communicate with it. It wouldn't matter then if I went mad. What would the shadows care?

No comments:

Post a Comment