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Saturday, 8 June 2013

Lies, lies!

What a way to ruin one's breakfast... Aunt A started a lecture about how I waste energy lowering the thermostat by as much as 0.5ºC (to leave it at a temperature greater than or equal to 25ºC, freezing cold by her standards). She decided to intimidate me today telling me it was uncle A who said we're to use the "green setting" on the thermostat. But I looked it up. The green setting does make you use less energy, compared to what you were using before. Which is to say, it will keep aiming for higher temperatures in the hot days until we get used to it. I'm sorry, stupid thermostat, but I just can't get used to temperatures above 25ºC. Most people can't. And it's not just me speaking like aunt A does when she complains that they should make more shoes for wide feet and more clothes for fat people and cars for short people because she thinks that her need justifies changing an industry that has normal curves to prove this demographic isn't as big as she claims. No. I've looked it up online and it's not just me. Because of the way your body works when you sleep, you really are more comfortable in a cooler environment at night. True for children especially, but true in general. She can sleep just fine in cooler temperatures. She just likes to complain about the cold that she feels and, thinking she's the norm, about the cold I don't feel because I'm abnormal. I just hated the lie, you know. That stupid intimidating, bullying attitude she thinks she has. All she did was make me angry. I thought of changing the settings to what the true green setting would be (not what she claims, actually higher) but if I do, then the thermostat will keep on increasing our threshold and I just. can't. take it. Also pissing me off? Yesterday she mentioned a trip to a museum my sister wants to visit again. Instead of saying it was lovely or whatever, she had to point out a deck of cards she bought there and lost. Except she didn't, because I'm positive we found them in my room looking for something else. So I pointed this out. She insisted in being wronged, so she lied and made up something about how those cards we found were different ones, a nonexistent gift from a nonexistent friend.

*Nazgûl shriek*

It's precisely this sort of thing that makes me wish I could just leave and have nothing to do with her nonsense. Even if it meant not having anywhere to go, or a reasonable source of income. You can't be paid enough to be bullied on a daily basis, damn it!

[midnight edit:]
Mum insisted I tell uncle A about the gifts they sent for him, so I headed to the kitchen and did just that. When I was done, after hesitating for a split second, I asked about the possibility of lowering the temperature in just my room. I had, by then, already spent quite a bit of time looking at portable air conditioning units, which would cost about as much as a new phone (an investment I'd readily make if I had the money to spare). I asked if I could lower the temperature by 0.5ºC. He said it was currently at a green setting, which it actually wasn't. Aunt A walked in then and there and she tried to push this point. I showed them that the true green setting would be a higher temperature. Aunt A tried to fight back and argue against this, saying that the perfectly fine 25ºC she was so desperate to change this morning showed as a green setting, not the higher temperature I pointed out was the new one. Why the change? I'd already researched it: the thermostat doesn't have a pre-set green setting other than 29ºC. It just remembers the temperatures you're used to and tries to push you to a warmer one with the promise of saving money. 

Not that I'm against saving money, like aunt A would too easily point out. I can think of several other ways energy, water and money are wasted in this household. I'm quite sure the change wouldn't have that big an impact given that I've programmed the thermostat several days ago now: starting at a time when I'm quite sure aunt A has already gone to sleep, I set it to 24.4ºC (which, you'll notice isn't that low). It remains that way until the time when aunt A is waking up, when it goes up to 25ºC. Around the time when she usually sits down to sleep in front of the telly, it goes up to 25.6ºC. I wouldn't call my changes drastic, nor particularly wasteful. But the marginally lower temperature at night helps me make it through the night. 

At any rate, I lowered the temperature again to a more comfortable 25ºC (the scandal and blistering cold that is, though by aunt A's own admission it was what she claimed was a green setting). To prove she's absolutely not an ogre, she burst into my room asking why on Earth I had to go telling on her with uncle A. I told no lies and there I rest easy. My first inquiry was for a way to make it cooler in my room (a solution I hoped would be along the lines of closing one of the living room vents). I then only requested a marginal change in temperature pointing out this morning's incident where she was so adamant to feel cold at 25ºC. She then said I needed not say that she'd turned the temperature to the true green one and I said that's not what I said. She said she needed not be cold just because I was hot, that I'm abnormal and should not cover myself to sleep, so it's absolutely my fault I'm warm and not the bloody temperature. (I won't be the one to explain the dynamics of body temperature changes during sleep and it's none of her business how I do or don't cover myself up when I sleep, thankyouverymuch). She was fuming. So was I but in the back of my head was this thought: the whole reason she was mad was because I told on her as the liar that she is. If she hadn't lied she wouldn't have felt guilty being told on, and she would have had nothing to be angry about. Go on. Try to argue against that. Maybe she does feel cold and I'm being cruel, but do consider I'm already compromising. A truly comfortable temperature for me lies around 23ºC... the temperatures most self-respecting restaurants/shops/cinemas/classrooms/gyms/shopping centres with air conditioning stick to. I'm begging for 25ºC and a tiny bit less than that to sleep in. It's actually cooler outside at night (except I can't leave the windows open all the way into morning or it will actually get too warm in my room). 

When she dropped my sister and me off at the cinema she didn't come out right away because it was raining. I wasn't counting on aunt A for anything, so I paid for the tickets. She pretended to act surprised that I'd paid for them and offered half what they cost (one might say she only meant to pay for my sister's ticket) for us to get something to eat. We made a stop where my sister bought herself a new pair of pants (on sale) but we didn't actually eat or drink a thing until we got back. Because we're so money conscious. My sister pointed out nice things for me to get, but I insisted we needed not look. If we're buying anything it had better be for her and the people back home. 


Back home...

If it weren't for the fact that it would be a very incredibly selfish thing to do, I do so wish I could run off. I wish I could have spent all of these vacations home. I would have had the chance to see SmTn, I could have gone to summer school, I could have run away from the heat, I could have run away from aunt A, I could have felt at home, if only for a few months. I haven't found a job. I haven't made any money since I got here. If anything, I've only wasted everything spent on me because I've made nothing in return. I might have been earning a very humble living had I stayed home and somehow made it into the master's programme for maths. Ah, but I'm supposed to make more money in the long run, after goodness knows how much more has to be invested. Well, the way things are now (and I know I haven't exactly been making things easier for myself because I've done nothing to attach myself to anything) I can't say it feels like it's worth it. Attempts at making friends lead to superficial interactions that make me question even the way I greet people and how to answer a silly text message asking if I'd like to go out. Tango lessons are a nightmare while I don't have a car and don't let me get started on that. Even just sitting here in my room is somehow a burden for aunt A and damn it if I don't feel like one, the way she always plays the victim. Let me find a summer job so I can feel marginally less useless! Let me find a summer job so I can afford a trip with my sister, the trip the old man so insists we should take though we can't afford it. The trip I precisely couldn't easily take if I had a job, but, you know, a trip! Away! I'd switch it for a trip to aunt LM's for a weekend and still feel happy about it. I'd switch it for a portable air conditioning unit and feel happy about it. 

You know what bothers me the most? This anger that boils up and makes me want to cry (a desire made worse by the fact that my sister's sleeping in my room) used to be quite alien. Feeling this way as often as once every too months would have been unheard of. Imagine that!

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