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Friday, 28 June 2013

Back from hiatus

It's been a while.

Of course, things I want to write about have been piling up. No easy way to go about it.

First and foremost on my mind is little too's sister. She ate plants that had been sprayed with poison and is very sick. Aunt MT blames herself, the poor dear. Three people failed to notice before an hour had gone by and the poison had started to kick in to take her to the vet. She's sedated. Attempting to wake her resulted in shaking and fever. It makes me cry. I don't know her, I've barely even seen pictures of her. But I know she's a sweet pup and I know she's well loved. I know she reminds me of my little one and I don't dare do any research online about the outcome of puppies that had a close encounter with poison because I fear the outlook is not a good one. Both my sister and I are sad about it. We asked mum to light a candle for her, may she be able to wake up tomorrow, somewhat restored, and get healthy with time. I have a bad hunch about this but my thoughts are with her. 

Unrelated, most likely, but I hope it's actually an indication of what might happen next: I had a dream a few days ago where I was told LC8 had unexpectedly died. It was quite the tragedy and mum told me to be careful about how I relayed the news, especially to LC8's youngest aunt. Before I was in a bad place where I had to say anything about it, the doctor informed LC8's mum that LC8 was, in fact, fine. Everyone was overjoyed.

Unrelated, definitely (except, maybe, for the way everything makes me want to cry): things have not gotten any better with aunt A. They're actually worse. How much worse? Aunt A got into a fight with mum. You might like to know why. You know how we've been planning my sister's stay here? Well, a fairly long while ago I gave cousin S the money to buy tickets and hotel reservations for a weekend out. A plan we'd been keen on for a long time. Well, the clock's ticking and he was no closer to buying the tickets. I've asked him at least twice over the last couple of weeks and all I got was a "I haven't bought them yet. We're trying to make our minds up about which hotel to stay in. We're totally doing it on one of the two weekends you told me about." So, no definite dates and no physical tickets. Now, we haven't been doing an awful lot. 

Aunt A will drop us off and leave us to our own devices (even if she's at the same place). If possible, she'll avoid having to take us places (leaving that to cousin I) with silly excuses, even when it's far more practical for her to drive us than him.  It's not so farfetched to say she's going out of her way to try to "punish" us. I haven't mentioned (why would I?) aunt A kept talking about how we'd go out shopping with my sister. This goes into the list of empty promises she made and helps prove my point about her horrible sense of hospitality. The only shopping we've done has been paid for with our money and the gift certificates I got for my birthday. Except for a new pair of sneakers, I've gotten nothing for myself. I want my sister to take as many gifts home as she can. I know I'm short on money and the summer job plan didn't work out (neither has the "volunteering for research with Pf2" plan), but my parents are living paycheck to paycheck (work not being exactly plentiful) and they still talk of somehow gathering money to send us if we're short. My sister and I, we're not wasteful. We got my parents presents. We're thinking of what to get aunt MT (I'm hoping we can afford a bottle of perfume). We've been eating as little as possible out, sharing our food, holding out until we're starving before we eat, buying only what we know is cheap. 

Aunt A gave my sister her "birthday gift," gave us money for a snack one day, for a cheap lunch another and enough for one lunch another. And coins to pay for the bus ride to university. Oh, and how could I forget the "new" incredibly oversized, crocodile skin print, bright green t-shirt for my sister that was taking up room in aunt A's closet? I know I'm leaving out the groceries she's bought to feed us and the extra energy and water used in the house when accounting for her hospitality, but we all know she could do better. I'm not asking for anything and neither is my sister. I don't expect anything and neither does my sister. I thought I could expect civility, at least for my sister, but I was proven wrong long ago. 

Let's stop this for a moment, I promise I have a point to make. Think of something for me, will you? When was the last time you did something for someone else, entirely for their benefit. expecting nothing in return? I'm willing to wager it's been a very long time for aunt A. My sister and I do it every day. 

Would you like to sleep longer even though we're both still very tired? 

I'll go shower first. How about some breakfast? 

Can I clean those for you? 

Here, let me help you with that. 

Go on, take the largest chip (we've both been eating the smaller ones, leaving the large one for the other to take). 

What do you want to do/eat? I'll do my part even if I'm not too excited about it. I want you to be happy.

Let me pay this time.

No, buy something for you.

I know it's hot in the bathroom. I tried to air it out a bit for you. 

Are you hot? Is it too sunny out? Here, take my sunglasses (or would you prefer the cap?).  Let me fan you a bit.

The nice people at a nearby restaurant will actually have food ready for me to come pick up and pay for (one must imagine I could forget to come and they could make a small loss... they trust me to come and pay just as I trust them to have the food ready). Yep1 wanted us to visit him and took time out of his schedule to help us look for cheap tickets. He's so eager to see us and sounded so happy. We told my parents and they pointed out that visiting Yep1 wouldn't cost that much less than making another trip we've long been trying to plan but couldn't really afford. Some research later, we decide we just might take the leap: we'll go on a trip. We (yes, both my sister and I) need time away from aunt A. Anticipating some backlash, mum thought she'd do the right thing and call aunt A to let her know we would go on the trip she'd earlier implied we were too poor to make and take advantage of.

Aunt A thought of excuses: won't I be busy working with Pf2? What's it to her? I can work from a distance, the way things are going (they're not exactly going, I haven't heard from Pf2 in weeks). Oh, but surely the dates we've been looking at are exactly the ones when we're supposed to be on the trip with cousin S and she had to call him right away because we either went on one trip or on the other. Quite inexplicably, cousin S seemed to side with aunt A and asked "What is there for them to do in [major tourist destination for oh-so-many-reasons]?" Mum was upset. Mum was upset. Mum's a saint. Aunt A hung up on her.

What about me and aunt A? Haven't I done anything nice for her expecting nothing in return? I painted her nails a couple of times when I'd just arrived. Aunt A offered my services and said "Oh, she likes it! Don't worry!" and... yes, sure, I like to play around with nail polish and other people's nails but aunt A made it sound like "Go on, let her do [chore]! She loves that!" Forget about it, maybe I'm blowing it out of proportion. Let's move on to other things. How about the way I clean stuff when I see it dirty? If it's the sink full of dishes aunt A and uncle A left there and I'm in the kitchen to fetch a glass of water, I'll wash it. Result? Aunt A from then on after expects me to always wash shit I find dirty and gets to start scenes like following:

1) Aunt A has one of her nightly cups of coffee and leaves the dirty cup in the sink (instead of, say, the washing machine she points out to me if I wash things by hand)
2) I come by the kitchen and remember there's a dirty pot from something my sister and I cooked earlier and decide to wash it.
3) Aunt A walks by the sink and finds her old dirty cup.
4) Rather than emptying it out and putting it in the washing machine, she felt it was necessary to come all the way to my room to tell me "You forgot a dirty cup, you know."
5) I tell her I'll get it so my sister doesn't have to get involved. I silently walk over to the kitchen, empty the cup and put it in the machine.
6) She's still waiting by my bedroom door when I get back and tells me not to fucking get angry. Because she's the victim and what's wrong with me?
7) It's all I can do to continue to say nothing.

Did we, perchance, cook? Did we use a knife? Did we leave it out while we eat to be washed later? The danger! We must certainly want her to drop the knife and for it to fall point first on her foot, possibly slashing her thighs on the way down (what do I know what goes through her mind?). Did we sleep late? Why-oh-why do we always stay in my room (not because it's the only ventilated room in the house that's too warm, of course), she could be dying in her room and we wouldn't notice! Are we where she thinks we're out of earshot? Then she'll talk shit behind our backs and imply all sorts of horrible things.

Sweet thing! No! Don't die! Please stay strong! We love you! Get healthy! Please live!

We're leaving. It's all but a sure thing. We only have to tell aunt A. And uncle A. And cousin S (we might need the money he hopefully hasn't spitefully used). And Yep1 (to tell him we're so very thankful and as soon as I have my own money I'll go visit him and CtThumbe, for sure).

As for those around here who say "Didn't linaThumbe plan anything? Why are they so bored? Why don't they leave the house?... have I failed to convey how much of a pain it is for aunt A that we be happy and how much of an inconvenience we are to her? I'm well aware of it and I'm still in a mostly non-confrontational mood. 

A fortune cookie from last Tuesday said this month would offer a great opportunity, and so it did. I'm taking advantage of it. Let it upset who it will. My parents are making a huge effort for us to have this opportunity, they're convinced it's a wonderful thing. My sister lights up thinking about it. I hate to be the one to tell her we probably can't do everything we're imagining but we'll do our best to enjoy every minute of it.

In the land of happy news, gay marriage has made a few breakthroughs since I last wrote and at least those tears are happy ones.

Oh, sweet dear! Stay alive, please do!

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