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Tuesday, 30 April 2013

Silence and cheap psychology

I've been pretty much silent for a while now on the blog. I've been pretty much silent elsewhere, I reckon. Doesn't matter if aunt LM called to thank me for her early birthday present, or if mum called to check in on me. I actively seek solitude and quiet. The word I'm missing there is "peace"... as in "peace and quiet." That one I've quite given up on.

The whole reason I'm here typing is actually a YouTube video: Vsauce's overview of kissing made me remember LesMisGuy. I must say, I didn't like the underlying message that said "This is why pick up artists actually enjoy moderate (read: debatable, as opposed to "nonexistent") success." Turns out uncertainty is correlated to attachment: a randomly generated pattern of affection and disinterest will work better than only being affectionate when it comes to making someone want to be with you. This is a bit contradictory when you consider one of the experiments marked comfort and warmth as more important than physical/physiological fulfilment but opens the door to a new question: what if we find comfort in uncertainty?

I know it sounds silly at first, but stop to consider the idea. Ultimately, uncertainty makes living in the present the only efficient choice. 

Makes me feel all the more miserable thinking of LesMisGuy... never said it was supposed to be a particularly bright revelation, nor that it would in any way help me deal with anything. I'm just coming to realise it's been a very long while since I last kissed anyone. A few years ago I had my little one but now there's not even her. And the thought still makes me want to cry.


I thought I'd write more... about SmTn, about exams, about my future (or lack thereof), about paranoia, K, Bollywood, my misplaced appetite, how overjoyed I am when I find things I'd given up as lost (however small, cheap or insignificant) and ... I don't know what else anymore.  I'm in no mood. Silence it is. 

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