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Sunday, 14 April 2013

It's. too. bloody. hot

I can't sleep. I cant. fucking. sleep. I kept bringing cold glasses of ice-cold water into the room and drinking them. Aunt A asked if something was wrong with me, because why the fuck else would someone drink so much cold water? I cannot. fucking sleep. Have I mentioned that? I just tried an internet search for what to do when it's too hot out to sleep and all suggestionis say "well, make it colder." And that's the one thing I can't do! I actually put a few ice cubes on my bed but they have already melted and evaporated completely. Bringing a glass full of ice and water into my room won't change the room temperature by any more than 0.2ºC. And I just can't sleep and can't stop thinking how miserable it makes me feel. So much so I'm actually crying in frustration. 

First world problems, right? Well, it's more than just that. It's not that we have perfectly functioning air conditioning I have zero control over because aunt A tries to intimidate me out of lowering the temperature saying everything's too fucking cold for her all the time and implying I must want to kill her of hypothermia if I think otherwise and the problem is with me. Except, most people need a much cooler temperature to sleep (16-22ºC, next to the 26-27ºC we're at right now). In fact, while one article says "you'll just get used to it after a few restless nights it" it also points out "but there's only so much heat you can get used to and anything above 26ºC will be too much for most people." It's the fact that being me is fucking forbidden. 

Like happy music? Too fucking bad, we have to listen to fucking tragedies when we're on the car and any time at all because aunt A won't bother asking or keeping whatever radio station I leave on when I'm perchance alone like it's hurting her ears. Like cooler temperatures? Too fucking bad, they like it to be hot inside the house. Like dresses? Too fucking bad, aunt A believes I will be raped and killed for wearing them in public. Want to watch a film? Aunt A's there, she doesn't want to watch it because she's seen fucking everything and will sleep through anything else because what. the. fuck. gives. but otherwise, why am I so fucking ungrateful for an expensive gift I didn't ask for and have little to no use for? Like to stay in your fucking room minding your own fucking business? Too bad, aunt A thinks you're too cold and it's fucking hurting her fucking feelings. Think you can have some time for yourself in your fucking room? Aunt A would like to pick a fight with you now. Like a certain kind of food? It will fucking kill me for reasons unknown to aunt A and I can't have it without her yelling at me first. Want to take a pill you know will work to alleviate crippling menstrual cramps? Aunt A thinks they're fucking going to kill me, so I'm to take whatever leftover medicines she says to. Like to recycle? Too bad, I must be trying to get them sued for lots of money because I just don't appreciate what they do for me around these parts. Like independence? Say goodbye to it because it will be hell to do anything your way 'round these parts and the few times you manage you'll have aunt A talking "behind your back" through paper think walls. What if mum tries to intervene? Aunt A will bully her! Want to sleep? Too fucking bad. Aunt A would have to wear a sweater at the temperatures that allow it.

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