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Wednesday, 10 April 2013

Can't I have one without the other?

A nice lady sat next to me on the bus. She smelled nice and had a lovely smile. Someone offered an overweight woman her seat, she refused it nicely. An old woman forgot her shopping bags and someone reminded her before she got off. Such things make me smile and make me like public transportation. I insist: even if I could drive to university, I would still 9 times out of 10 take the bus. It reminds me of human kindness, it gives me time to think and contemplate and rest my eyes, it gives me reasons to smile.

Quite the change when aunt A came to pick me up. She was furious at some woman she doesn't know for reasons I won't go into (but can promise don't merit such fury). *sigh* Now, this morning BCM's husband came around to help fix a number of things around the house. Since the thermostat setting was set to a quite high temperature and I knew they'd be working a sweat, I advised him on how to lower the temperature, at least while aunt A was away. When we got back and I noticed the setting was lower than it used to be (i.e. too cold for aunt A). As soon as I started messing with it aunt A came to tell me BCM's husband had fixed it and set it and it was not to be moved, so I moved it back to where it was (which is a  much more comfortable temperature for me anyway). I just noticed it had gone up again, and put it back down because that's the way it's supposed to be per her own last instructions. So fuck it. What upsets me is a running theme I've only just put together. She believes me to be stupid to the point of helplessness. I can work the thermostat, she doesn't need to tell me someone else "fixed it" and it must stay as someone else put it. I can explain things to her once but she won't believe it until someone like cousin S or uncle A gives her the exact same information. It's not just that independence (at least mine) is frowned upon. It's that I'm considered completely unable to attain it and unworthy of it because I'm too bloody thick to be functional by their terms. Well, fuck.


PS: Yes, that's a new label you see there. I'd like to go back over all old posts and apply it where appropriate but I just can't be bothered. I'd actually have to read through them all.

[11:36pm]
GAAAAaaaAAaHHGAAGHHwwHWWwhsAAAGAAAAAaAgggAAAaGAAAAaaaAAaHHGAAGHHwwHWWwhsAAAGAAAAAaAgggAAAaGAAAAaaaAAaHHGAAGHHwwHWWwhsAAAGAAAAAaAgggAAAaGAAAAaaaAAaHHGAAGHHwwHWWwhsAAAGAAAAAaAgggAAAaaaaaAAaAHHHhhh!!!

That is all.

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