Search This Blog

Thursday, 7 March 2013

The awkward moment

I just don't know anymore. Should I? Shouldn't I? The part of me that enjoys the attention wanted to start a conversation with K. I'm at BCM's, babysitting, trying not to fall asleep and trying to make myself study (failing miserably, as you can imagine). 

[morning after edit]

I debated with myself about whether or not to start a conversation with him and when I went to write a message I realised I had no idea how to start a conversation. So, I turned to my phone and found messages from a guy in my statics class I'd gotten together to study with yesterday morning. He'd gotten a copy of the solved exam if I wanted to take a look at it and compare it to what I had (which would set me free at last, after poring over my equations and not being able to find the errors. I was glad but felt a bit like I was using him and felt horrible. Absolutely fucking awful. And that's why I ended up messaging K, even though I left CtThumbe a message and she said I should just wait until we met again (for tango) to talk to him. We talked for a bit and next thing you know he's telling me I may have trust issues, which I answered with "totally, and yet I sometimes speak to strangers even when it might be downright stupidly dangerous." He didn't write again until this morning around 10 and (alas!) is still writing. I'm a little scared that I'm 1) scaring him into knowing I'm fucked up and 2) doing it on purpose and 3) he hasn't quite backed off. 

I'm impossibly tired after staying up until 3, getting up early to be here before noon and I still haven't read the chapter due this week for today's class, nor have I done the homework assignment due in four hours. *sigh*

Why is it that at times like this I look forward to an e-mail from SmTn?

No comments:

Post a Comment