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Saturday, 9 March 2013

That was fast

I had a fairly intense dream I deliberately woke myself up from this morning. It was a dream (or rather, a half-asleep state of fantasy) where I was lying in bed and K was lying in bed next to me (on my left), kissing me. His kisses were sweet and actually quite nice and not-nearly-as-awkward-as-I-would-have-thought. It was, however, too soon to be having such dreams, wouldn't you say? I can't say yesterday afternoon begins to explain it.

Yesterday morning I had to arrive early to hand in what will hopefully turn into another 15 points for my statics exam. When I got on the bus I texted the guy in my class to ask if he'd like to go over the answers before handing them in. He answered 50min later, which I only noticed 7 hours late. I felt disgusting. I apologised profusely and he wrote back a few hours later telling me not to worry but I'd already made up my mind: I owe him a piece of candy/chocolate. It just won't do to otherwise. I also felt disgusting leaving my last class yesterday. Part of it was due to the fact that my hair was (and still is, I haven't showered yet) absurdly oily and I had no way to disguise it. It would not have mattered much if not for the fact that I'd agreed to meet K for coffee after class if I got out early (which I did). We did not have coffee, though. He gave up salsa lessons to hang out with me, I could not understand where he said we'd meet, which led to a somewhat awkward moment, and it turned out everything was closed. So I offered he could walk with me to the bus stop and we could talk until the bus arrived which was maybe 10min later because I'm a horrible person and I couldn't think of anything else but somehow imagined the bus would come later (if only 10min later). 

When he called to ask where we'd meet I realised I did not remember his voice and that his accent was suddenly hard to understand. When I walked toward him I had to actively tell myself to calm down and not focus on the fact that I did not remember his face and this was only the second time we met but we were already meeting for coffee. 

The short conversation started with a polite (and nice-polite) "How was your day?" from him and I'm afraid I could not hold a conversation like a normal person. I was ignorant, I was awkward, I was most likely very self-centred and selfish.

So, tell me: how come I had a dream where he kissed me last night and I was hoping he'd talk to me if he saw me online on facebook just now? Am I succumbing to squirrel logic? What a dreadful thought!

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