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Wednesday, 30 January 2013

Rebellion

I wore a dress to university today. This morning I woke up, decided I'd try not washing my hair (though I didn't wash it yesterday) and thought I was late waking up to leave, so I showered in a hurry and felt like wearing a dress... so I did. And I wore the dress I bought not long before leaving, the one that made me happy. The one that makes me happy. I fixed myself breakfast and ate it while I packed lunch for today. I brushed my teeth, brushed my hair and put it into a fishtail braid, put on some perfume (to hide, though not too well, the smell of my less than squeaky clean hair) and made my way out to leave. Aunt A stopped me before we got out. She prefaced a tantrum/reprimand by telling me she knew I think she's all kinds of harsher words than "dumb" for worrying but my going to university wearing that dress, more specifically because I take the bus to get there, was unacceptable because there are evil people in this world and today will be the day that I'll be raped and murdered because I chose to wear a pretty dress. 

I said "thank you for your advice but I will go on and choose not to worry" because that's exactly what I want to do. I want to not worry about all the things she worries about. I don't want to feed the idea that anyone's clothes beg for rape because I wore the dress for me and so I believe most people choose their clothes for themselves. I'll write this later, I have to go to class and I don't have a lot of battery to begin with. 

I'll borrow from the rant I wrote down in my notebook.

It's bigger than "I don't want to worry about the million things she worries about." It's bigger than "the news increase perception of crime no matter what the real (and actually declining) crime rates are." It's more along the lines of "My clothes are not an invitation to rape. No one's clothes are." Do you think rapists are awfully reasonable people? Are there any hard and fast rules regarding what constitutes "rape me!" to such sick minds? I don't think so! So I can either forever fear the unreasonable or embrace the fact that the probabilities are minuscule and carry on. I'm actually quite sure I read somewhere that women are no more or less likely to get raped or called names or otherwise sexually abused when they wear certain clothes. Women who wear oversized sweaters and baggy pants get raped too. It's not in a woman's choices but in the wicked mind of the rapist that the true reasons for "why her" lie. Goodness forbid it ever happen, but should an evil man rape me, it won't be my fault for wearing whatever I chose to wear that day. It will be his fault for being evil. 

When I sat down in the bus stop to wait for the bus I sat next to an older woman and greeted her good morning. She complimented my dress and I thanked her. That's how I planned to go about my day. The worst I had to worry about when thinking of wearing a dress was getting it smelly like the jeans from a couple of weeks ago and I've also decided that the chances of that happening again are small enough that I can overlook them for the sake of being happy. I haven't received half as many stares as I may have half-feared I would (I don't like to be stared at, no matter what I wear). If anything, I noticed men who would stare didn't on purpose, which is to say they noticed me and then politely chose not to gawk. In a whole day of walking past very many people, only one man had the nerve to point out the dress to me and stare rudely, but it ended with a "nice dress" as he walked past me and it was over. 

I will go about my day, thank you very much. I quite like my dress and I feel like being in a good mood while it lasts (because I really am a little behind in finishing homework assignments... and I stopped working 3/10 through the statics homework to finish writing this post). 

So... teenage rebellion is catching up with me and I'm a very late bloomer. It's a bit depressing, when you see it that way, that my acts of rebellion consist of recycling cans and wearing a pretty dress. 

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