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Saturday, 5 January 2013

Of trees and silence

You already know the question: "if a tree falls in a forest and there's no one around to witness it, did it really make a sound?" It seems I didn't quite know the question, as I wanted to change it to "did it really fall?" which is silly enough that I had to double check with Google... Now what I wanted to say may or may not make an awful lot of sense (in connection with the title).

I found out about a mandatory meeting (college-related) purely by chance. After fretting about the date (I wouldn't be around, I was at BCN's) and finding out there was another one I could attend, I worried less. I even sorted out the health insurance paperwork. I showed up for the meeting and it was a bit strange not being in any list, but I never signed up for the meeting and kept being told it was fine. When I  mentioned I never heard about the meeting and never got an e-mail, it was chalked up to a typo in whoever put my e-mail in their database. When my papers didn't show, it seemed to be because someone failed to send them. The truth is a lot more horrifying than those apparently silly mistakes. I fell through a bureaucratic loophole and what that means is that I may not be allowed to study next semester (which, might I add, starts on Monday). Over the course of the last two months or so, I failed to be directed to the office who would have known something was off. I was given an option I should not have been given. I was moreover able to go through with this option even though such a thing should not be allowed. To make matters worse the university followed through on this (not properly) forbidden option and no one caught on to the mistake until very late in the game (read: the last Friday before the Monday when classes start). 

I can't help but wonder why no one along the line thought to refer me to the right office. I can't help but wonder what would have happened if I hadn't found out about the meeting. I can't help but worry myself crazy because I've told no one except AOB, who reasonably told me to stay calm and reassure me that I did nothing wrong knowingly and it's up to them to fix it. However, it should have been solved by Friday. I received a call around noon telling me to wait a few hours, that they'd do everything possible but there were no guarantees. I never got another call. I am stuck waiting until Monday and it may already be too late to work things out except I don't know it.

If the decision has already been made but I don't know what it is, what is the outcome? Is it like Schrödinger's cat where I'm half allowed to study and half forbidden to (probabilistically)? If I've told no one about this problem, what will happen when it fails to resolve itself and I ultimately have to speak out? What am I going to do if I'm not allowed to study? What? I'd have to go back home, which would be a welcome change but a very unfortunate and inconvenient one for mostly economic reasons. To say that it's a setback is an understatement. To say anything at all to anyone (except AOB) feels like I'm making the problem real(er) and admitting it may not have a solution tempting fate.

On other notes... Thanks cousin S. For calling aunt A a negative person to her face (well, more like asking her not to be so negative). For inviting me to the cinema to watch Les Misérables. Of the film I will say little. I wish I could watch it again from the comfort of my bed, the dark, solitude and the promise that no one will notice or care about the bags under my eyes if I cry. I loved Hugh Jackman, I was pleasantly surprised by Anne Hathaway and I hated Russel Crowe. I would have chosen someone like Alan Rickman or John Malkovich for Javert... such a shame. Oh and I decided I could be very attracted to someone like Eddie Redmayne. 

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