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Sunday, 23 December 2012

Words, words, words. I'm so bad with words.

Didn't write about talking with SmTn on Friday, did I? He's wonderful, I don't need to point that out. I missed talking to him and I still do because we didn't get to talk as much as I would have liked. I'm glad we got to talk, though, because I noticed an e-mail from him had arrived on Thursday telling me he'd be online that night, except I didn't know what night he meant and was certain I'd missed it. Mum called when I was in the middle of talking to SmTn and then hung up when she heard me typing. By the time I stopped talking to SmTn for a while to go have dinner BCN was a little upset and I fear in the combination of causes one of them might have been my inattention to him and his family since they got  home. I was busy talking to someone (read: FnTtn).

Yep2 just dropped me off at BCN's. He picked me up on Friday night, he invited me to go out for dinner and a concert/event/thing with him and his friends and then drove me to aunt LM's place, where we both stayed the night. I can't say I loved his friends, or the event. I particularly disliked something about the girl introduced as his ex-girlfriend... as pretty and nice as she was, something struck me as a tad bit on the conniving side. Maybe it's just me. Anyway... I started out feeling very embarrassed about the whole thing. I felt he was annoyed by having to drive around so much to see me, I felt he didn't want to be stuck with me tagging along, I felt I was a burden. He's too nice. I didn't feel that way at all when I was with him but I did have the uncomfortable realisation that I don't fit in with his friends and that I'm nowhere near sociable enough to pull off talking to strangers. Even talking to people I know is complicated. I can tell when I just have to butt in on someone talking because I can't shut up and I can't even make smart remarks. I just interrupt and talk for the sake of sod all, because I felt like it. I then feel awful. It's happened with BCN, his wife, Yep2 and his friend from today (read: everyone, in other words). 

I'm too sleepy.

Note to self: write about being a decent house guest, being thankful, and not being able to fucking write or even talk.

[Morning after edit]
So... on more awkwardness? Yesterday I had an urge to send Yep2 a text message thanking him for everything. I thought about sending aunt LM a similar message but decided not to "because we'll talk tomorrow on the phone anyway." I'm supposed to call aunt A and uncle A to check in and to say hi and I should be able to thank them too... but I don't quite feel like it. Somehow, Yep2's gestures (driving for hours on his beat up car, buying me coffee when he has to sell his things to have enough money to get by, going out with me even though he's exhausted, putting up with my social awkwardness and defending my choice not to drink) mean more to me because I know he can't afford them so easily. It's not that aunt A's, uncle A's, aunt LM's, BCN's or his wife's gestures come easy. It's not that they're less useful (if anything, they're more important and useful). I just... I don't know. I have to push myself to think of thanking them and then I can't quite go through with it, whereas I just thought I'd thank Yep2 and did it without a moment's hesitation. 

As for the others... well, I help around the house a lot at aunt A's, and I help paint her nails sometimes, and I give the dog a bath, and I cook sometimes and... and... er... well, I can't be bothered to call. I'm helping at BCN's with at least some of the cooking, a tiny bit of the babysitting, and I'm trying my best to be a good house guest. I even bought a bottle of honey to replace the one I ruined in hot water and an oven mitt to replace the one I burned a hole in. I'm not entirely sure if I burned the kitchen counter with a hot pan. I want to think "no" but I can't remember that stain being there when I first got here and I can't help but think that they couldn't possibly have done something so silly... so it falls on me. That one I can do nothing about, I'm afraid. I do intend to buy a new glass shade to replace the one I broke at aunt A's, but it requires a trip to the store I can't make with aunt A. 

I did get aunt A, uncle A and aunt LM thoughtful presents, for what it's worth. 

Now... let's see... what else did I want to write about...? According to my list, nothing. So maybe I'll stop here. 

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