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Friday, 7 December 2012

Wait, I think I know where the thoughts about Cyrano were headed

I almost started typing this in French and then decided I don't quite have the patience to make up for the vocabulary I don't have and the grammar I don't remember as well as I'd like to.

I almost started a post about a great number of things and for now I just settled on writing about Cyrano. I've been watching quite a few films with AOB, you see, and today we started Cyrano de Bergerac when we were done with Le Havre. Besides telling AOB his "whatever you want" is as annoying as the stereotypical girlfriend's (which I regretted as soon as the words left my mouth because I meant it to be playful and almost sounded insulting), there was only one thing on my mind: the thoughts of Cyrano I buried last time I watched the film. I think I'm starting to uncover their memory. I was relating the whole thing to LesMisGuy. Again. Or rather, still. And I may have finally started to understand why: part of what held me back that night was the lack of words, and it's quite like it is with Roxanne. She's not content with a silly "I love you" and a lustful kiss: she wants more. AOB exclaimed she was very demanding. 

There are two sides to this statement. On the one hand, one could argue it was already quite clear Christian fancied her and he shouldn't have needed to woo her any more. On the other, one might think he only lusted after her and she needed to feel more than that before she gave in. 

Perhaps it's not about Cyrano, all that much. Perhaps it's about me, and Roxanne, and what this need for words implies. Am I too demanding? EBF agreed romance could be too much to ask for. Is it hopeless for me to want stronger guarantees that the feelings are there and will be there for more than a fleeting, lustful moment? Are my demands, perhaps, what make the feelings fleeting? 

Would it be fair to say Cyrano loved more, or loved better, because he was so eloquent and vocal about his feelings? Couldn't you make a case for how cowardly it is to hide behind words when you don't dare push the message across with actions? 

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