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Wednesday, 10 October 2012

Let aunt MT bring some sanity with her

Aunt A yelled at me saying I shouldn't eat any Coffee Mate because: chemicals and poison. I call bollocks. If it's for the trans fats, there's little enough that I'll be fine if I'm only having tea every once in a while. So far it's taken me two and a half months to go through one bottle of the stuff and I'm fine with it. I briefly  considered answering. I knew it would escalate because I would have had a hard time not rubbing in her face the fact that all she had for lunch yesterday was rice pudding, jelly and ice cream. What kind of choices are those for her to judge my own? I  would have had a hard time not telling her there are just as many (if not more) chemicals in the gum she always carries and chews on pretty much all day, in the "no sugar added" ice cream she eats, and in the tons of other crap she eats (and isn't at all healthy). 

Like what, you ask? Try the no sugar added ice cream bars with aspartame and maltitol and coconut/soybean vegetable oil. Try the full fat (certainly including a fair bit of trans fat) cheddar cheese she eats. Try the massive amounts of aspartame and sorbitol she gets from gum. Try the sugar-free jelly like the one she had for lunch yesterday. Try the foods she orders in restaurants "because it's a once in a lifetime sort of thing," like the loaded fries (read: French fries with cheddar cheese and bacon), or chicken fingers, or chicken wings. Try the potato chips she buys "for her grandnephew" or the pork rinds she's eaten pretty much by herself. If the worst I've got to worry about is a little trans fat when I'm otherwise eating well and exercising regularly she can shut the fuck up and let me be without yelling at me about my life choices. 

Goodness knows she's in no higher moral ground she can talk down to me from. Goodness knows she doesn't really know what she's talking about when she says "chemicals are bad for you" because she doesn't understand that the same chemical synthesised in different ways remains the same. bloody. chemical. Word. She actually prefers "all natural" pills to whatever her doctor prescribes even though I'm quite sure her doctors are well aware of the pros and cons of all medications and medicate them because they think they're worth the risk. Never mind that there's no proof that the other "natural" alternatives she takes are working at all and that's why real doctors don't prescribe them in the first place. She doesn't actually know what exactly in Coffee Mate is bad for you (hydrogenated vegetable oil) and she doesn't know that plenty other sources of saturated fats are natural and just as if not more harmful (like say, for instance, full fat cheese or bacon). It's not having trans fat at all that's bad. It's having too much trans fat that's bad for you. All animal fats contain some trans fats and that's an inevitable truth. That *gasp* includes the milk she drinks every. fucking. day. Even if it's reduced fat. Just like the Coffee Mate, it's got trace amounts which are safe enough to consume in moderation. 

Am I a Coffee Mate maniac? No. I have tea maybe two times a week and three is really pushing it. Does she understand that I'm not really consuming anything that harmful and that I'll be fucking fine? Does she understand that I get more sick hearing her rant about things she doesn't know about than from the things she says will kill me? You can bet she doesn't. Why must she get angry so easily? Why must she think she's always right without listening to reason? Why must she be a pain? Why can't she let me be? Why can't she assume that I'm an intelligent human being able to assess the risks of what I do? Is it because she so easily forgets the risks she takes when she eats the way she does? That's not my problem!

Her bloody problem, and I believe it's my uncle's problem too, is that she doesn't understand people having opinions different to her own. She believes she speaks for all majorities ever when she speaks and that anyone who dares disagree is just stupid. She believes following  the advice of Dr. Oz on television is ridiculous but when she hears something somewhere on television from a source she can't even properly quote then it's truth. Because she believes it and what she believes in is undeniable truth. Bollocks. 

[11pm edit]
Aunt MT is here. Thank goodness. We'll see how things go from here. Up until now, though? Still outraged. More outraged. By aunt A, that is. In the totally reasonable department we have dinner. Aunt MT's flight was delayed so we ended up having dinner in the airport, aunt A, uncle A and I. Uncle A ordered pasta, aunt A ordered a lasagna, I ordered a panini. Uncle A had soup, aunt A and I had salad. I was a little surprised to hear her ask for the healthiest choice of vinaigrette but thought "good for her!". I was too early. She wouldn't eat her salad until the bread arrived, because how could anyone ever have salad without bread?! Fine. The bread arrived. I ate a slice. She ate pretty much the whole bloody thing. With generous servings of the salt, pepper and spices mix which was a bit too salty if you ask me. Add it to the list above. She didn't even finish her salad. She had only half of it. If that. When her lasagna arrived she didn't eat more than a few mouthfuls, claiming she was full. And of course she was full, she'd been stuffing herself with bread. I pointed out we were having dinner and aunt MT would arrive at around dinner time, hinting at ordering something to go for her to eat when we got back. Aunt A thought it was a perfect idea to just cut out the bit where she'd been eating and let her have the leftover lasagna she would have taken home anyway to feed to the dog. I think even uncle A thought it was a bit too cheap but he said nothing.

I've mentioned nothing to aunt MT, though I was tempted to, because I had no time and I ultimately decided it's not very nice of me to point out how un-nice aunt A is. Not quite so early on. It's not like aunt MT doesn't know. Aunt MT forgot a gift for her son, my cousin. She said she'd like to buy him a shirt, which is perfectly reasonable. Aunt A thought a shirt she bought for uncle A but was far too small and he didn't like and didn't even have a tag on anymore, meaning it wasn't new would have been a good replacement. Aunt MT just said it was too small, I agreed and aunt MT  convinced aunt A to go buy another one. I saw the look on aunt MT's face. I also noticed it when aunt A brought her some shirts to wear here, none in aunt MT's taste. Aunt A has heaps of clothes stashed away fucking everywhere in the house. It's insane. She actually hoards clothes. Her giving away some of it only to buy some more is hardly an exercise in generosity. 

With the make-up, I've decided aunt A is exactly like little S from the comics: she buys expensive, nice things for herself only so she'll have leftovers to give away to others.  

After eating here when we offered aunt A to eat any of what aunt MT brought she said she couldn't because she'd had dinner and because: blood sugar. She failed to mention all she had for dinner was a lot of bread.

In the not at all reasonable department, following along the train of thought of things I wish I had but obviously have no right to? Aunt A offered aunt MT some creams and make up. She let her have some of the nice Lancôme face primer. Not that she shouldn't, but I distinctly remember asking for it when we ordered our gifts and I mentioned how cool it was. It would have been nice to get one of the samples. Then, aunt A mentioned she has an appointment for a facial tomorrow morning. Mind you, when we went out for dinner with her horrible friend she said she had to make an appointment for me in an "oh, I forgot!" kind of way. She really meant it more in a "pretend" way, maybe to look good in front of her friend, I don't know. She offered too book an appointment for aunt MT, who kindly declined saying it's too expensive. Aunt A insisted. I don't know if they're going. I know that if it had been me and I'd offered someone else before I would have remembered to make good on that offer as  well as get an appointment anyway for aunt MT. 

One nasty detail, out of the blue? Aunt MT brought pastries for me and my cousin. In the same box. She gave them to me telling me to mind the ones for my cousin. I brought some of them to show uncle A in the kitchen and then made to put the box away, sealing it back with tape and getting it ready to put it in a bag. I didn't want any moisture to get in and let them get stale because my cousin's only coming on Friday. Aunt A told me she wasn't going to eat any of them and I could put them in a glass container from the ones in the kitchen. She thought I was hiding the food from her. I know that's what I'm doing with some of the food I'm keeping in my room to separate into packages to give away when everyone's here but I can assure you the thought didn't cross my mind as I put away the pastries. I'm frankly a little insulted by her accusation.

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