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Tuesday, 2 October 2012

I'm a fucking lady!

The oxymoron does not escape my notice, I assure you.

Aunt A drove me to college just now. On the way here we saw a piece of garbage on the road, likely enough because it fell from one of the cans along the road, ready to be picked by the truck today. So far so good. It was quite far out, though, so when aunt A started with a story of how it must be people leaving a bloody plastic container in the middle of the road the way they leave soda glasses and beer bottles (unseen and unheard of until today) I offered it might have just been an animal, like a raccoon. I asked if there weren't any raccoons around here and she said there were both raccoons and x, where x here stands for a different name for an armadillo. She went over a story she'd already told me of how the dog found one in the yard and she "rescued"  it by yelling at the dog (the poor thing). I may have cut her short telling part of her story to let her know I've already heard it and knew where she was going with it.

Now, I only just learned that x stands for "armadillo" some 10-15min ago. Back then I just mentioned I still have no idea what she was talking about because she'd mentioned x before and I distinctly remember asking if, from its description, it wasn't an armadillo and she said no. Then I went ahead and described an armadillo, which she agreed sounded exactly like x, but she thought "armadillo" stood for "raccoon" and I'll be damned. I was relieved and if anything I was happy to have cleared that up but she started on how that's what they were called "back in her time." I said that animals' names weren't likely to change all that much from time to time and that a dog, after all, was still called a dog. She did what she does, which is try to prove a stupid claim with an even stupider one, so she went ahead and said that a lot of words have gone out of use, including one to describe teenagers. I pointed out that the fact that the colloquial ways to refer to teenagers have changed shouldn't have anything to do with the words for animals changing. She decided I was mocking her and told me so: "you're mocking me."

Well, then, she had to be fucking kidding me, right? Is she really so intent on feeling wronged by me? I complain about her on the blog a lot and to family a little but I'm quite sure I've never been rude to her or mocked her like she says I do. I don't speak to her in a condescending way. I walk on eggshells around her and my calm demeanour comes across to her as condescending (I gather). If I'm calm and extra-careful, she takes that to be me mocking her. Can you see how insane this is? How utterly crazy? I don't raise my voice. I don't yell at her or even near her. I've never been visibly upset near her. I haven't had a fit of bad temper around her (and they are quite rare, I reckon). And yet she wants to believe I wrong her, she wants to believe I look down to her, she wants to believe I mock her. I'm at my wit's end. I just don't. know. what. to. do. 

I can guess she's got a bad case of undiagnosed(?) and untreated depression but bloody hell, it needs treating and I shouldn't be stuck having to deal with it because it's just not fair on anyone. Why can't she be a reasonable adult? Why must she be so childish? Why must she keep coming up with things I do wrong? Why does she keep finding ways to "punish" me and why do I keep feeling like that's exactly what she's doing when she fails to give me the eyeshadow? It's as stupid a reason to be upset as they come, but that's the way it feels. She feels wronged by me and is out to get me. She only just pretends to be nice and generous and thoughtful. Underneath it all it's not only not genuine and not heartfelt, she resents me and I'll be damned because I've done nothing worth her scorn.

Oh, and I was looking forward to writing down a dream I had last night that included SmTn. I have only 10min left before class starts, so I'll try to get a very abridged version down here. I had a dream where N1 was in trouble so L1, A, other girls and I came over to her apartment, looking for her. We wanted to help her out. In my mind, the trouble had something to do with the guy she's sleeping with. I'm not sure this was stated in the dream, though. L1 asked about him saying N1 hadn't told her an awful lot in a long time and as I told her I "knew" in my dream that she'd been sleeping with cousin S, aunt A's youngest. He'd been sort of a jerk, too, having sex with her without a condom. She told me of a pregnancy scare. Anyway, I remember we were all there to help N1 and out of the blue came SmTn with some other guy to save the day. He and I had been talking before that but I'm sure his help came as a complete surprise. It was just so nice of him to show up and help, you know.

The rest is now blurry. There was something about some teenagers taken under SmTn's wing and then a tall spiral tower climbed by young men in swimsuits going to class. Also, there was Lisa Eldridge lost in the whereabouts of my university and needing directions. I almost set out to go find her because in my dream she was a close friend.

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