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Saturday, 8 September 2012

Never mind

I've been too busy and lazy to write these days. A couple of days ago I would have stopped to credit aunt A with thinking a tragic song was less tragic than it was intended to be. There was something else to give her credit for, but I forgot. Credit goes to the old man too, for offering patience when I pointed out they're so very modern over there.

So much for credit. One of our neighbours saw a man in their back yard. They called the police, which arrived swiftly. They rang the bell and asked if they could come take a look at aunt A's back yard. The officer came in and left having found nothing. Aunt A subsequently failed to get any sleep last night. She asked how I'd slept this morning and I said I'd slept just fine. She was astounded at my being able to keep an eye shut after last night. I pointed out that the policeman found nothing to worry about. She said it could have been just the two of us alone in the house (we weren't because my uncle was here). I would have said it made no difference. I could have argued that bad people would do bad things whether we worry about them or not because either way there's not an awful lot we can do. I didn't. I just remarked that burglaries are not usually violent crimes. She went into a fit saying how they're all criminals, drug addicts and what not. I pointed out she was rounding up all sorts and degrees of evil without admitting a difference between people who just need money and people who are evil enough to go out of their way to harm you. There is no changing her mind: to her, it's all the same. She actually exploded telling me I don't watch the news and therefore I don't know a thing. When she insisted, I said I'd rather just get me a bowl of cereal and she went to her room.

Let her be mad. Let her be mad at me. I don't fucking care. I will not encourage her paranoias nor bear to sit through them. She ought to know that what she sees on the news is biased. If she were so well-informed she'd know that crime rates have been going down steadily for the last 20 years or so and the only reason she doesn't notice is because of the bloody media. She can't quite put her finger on the fact that in the eve of a presidential election of course everything's more dangerous in the news than it actually is. They're trying to scare them into voting for whoever is supposed to be the stronger candidate. I don't fucking care. 

If she were so well-informed she'd know that since the year 2000 (give or take) only about 30% of burglaries happened when anyone was home. That less than 10% involved any violence towards the people in the house. That burglaries only happen about to 1,000/100,000 people in big cities, which have a higher crime rate than the national average. This is all according to government sources. Out of 100,000 people, only 1,000 are victims or burglary. Out of these, only 300 are present at the time, out of those, only about 30 (or less) are subject to violence. That's quite a bit less than 1% chance. Gallup polls show that people here are unreasonably paranoid in spite of very strong evidence against what they think can happen.

Aaand now she's arguing about lunch today.

Goodness... the woman does seem to deliberately make her life miserable, and then she worries about her high blood pressure, her high blood sugar, her low heart rate and worries even more because they're all unacceptable for a woman her age in her condition.

Positive Patty... I'm telling you...


Scratch that. Or not. I don't know any more.

You know how I'm not supposed to start conversations with EBF because I end up being let down every time and I'll stupidly insist again like maybe next time we'll have a real conversation and I won't be miserable in the end? It's madness. By definition. I'm incredibly and increasingly frustrated with just about everything today. I'm annoyed by aunt A, I'm annoyed by N1 and her spurts of messaging in the middle of I'm-fucking-busy-working-on-an-online-lab-assignment. I'm pissed off about the damned online lab that crashes and fails to save my progress and is just. so. shittyFuck.


And I've still got the statistics exercises to work on. And the chemistry homework due in before Tuesday. But we've got a test, so I'd better have that by Monday. And that still doesn't clear the other two chapter reviews and tests for biology. Tomorrow should be a nice day because I planned a day to cook pizza from scratch... It may turn out a lot worse than I was hoping for. Aunt A asked if we should go buy groceries and stop by the gym. I said yes and we agreed to go later, as we'd just come back from lunch. When she came by to ask if we should get going I told her to wait while I changed. Not here, nor when I came out with my gym bag did she pick up on the fact that I thought we were going to the gym. I didn't really notice she wasn't wearing her gym clothes until later. So we went grocery shopping and I just came back to the bloody lab. Which doesn't work. And to N1 texting me too many messages at a time to tell me about her date. It sort of gets old. More so when she asks about me  but I ask if maybe we could IM because I can't type as much on the phone and she just says no because she's busy. Except not busy enough to stop texting. *sigh*

I just don't know. And then the lab just crashed in my old computer, so I switched to the new one, but it crashed too, which I assume might have something to do with mac not liking flash. And the tap to click doesn't work on the Windows partition. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. They're tiny things, I know. Minor annoyances. I tell aunt A to calm down about much less. But it's all adding up to things juts plain not working for me.

And I hate that everyone asks how I'm doing. The old man picks up on how I get into arguments with the old folk here. Mum picked up on my being pissed off right now when she called and asked "are you upset?" Fuck yes, mother, I'm upset. I'm not going to tell you about it. Whatever led you to believe I would? Why fucking ask if it just annoys me further? Ugh. And yes, I know I sound like a horrible person. But it all piles on and on and on. And aunt A asked what we're going to do for dessert tomorrow. She does not pick up that when I'm working I'd like to be left alone. That my assignments are mostly done within time limits and I can't finish them if she wants to talk when I'm taking them. She does that often. It just tipped the glass over today. I didn't help with the dishes for tonight's dinner. I'd been washing them most every day until now. I don't know if she'll be upset over it but I'm majorly frustrated right now and I just can't be brought to go wash dishes. I'll feel horrible because it will all add on top of the notion that sometimes (through actions and decision of my own, I might add) I do become something like a housemaid. And though she'll often tell me not to bother and does try to help, she also tends to rely on me to do shit she won't be getting very involved with.

Like tomorrow's dessert which I still haven't thought about because I thought that was the reason we'd bought cookies today when we went grocery shopping. Why does nothing make sense? Why? Why does the site crash? Why does N1 want to talk of nothing but herself? Why does mum ask if I'm upset? Why do I keep trying to talk to EBF? Why am I even here? What are my options and why didn't I properly weigh them?

While we're at it... why did I look up LesMisGuy on facebook? Well, almost. You know, I just start typing his name and see how far along I have to go before he shows up. Some time ago I'd type the whole name and get nothing. Today just his first name yielded him as the second result. Made me wonder if maybe he looked me up. Makes me wonder now why the fuck I bother thinking such thoughts. I shouldn't be thinking about him enough to want to sort of look him up to begin with... 

Oh, good heavens... to think I didn't even mention SmTn got his present. Sweet as ever. Even he can't lift my spirits today.

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