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Tuesday, 21 August 2012

Pointless soundtrack

This morning I woke up with the strangest notion that I had to show EBF the song "I'm glad you came" and tell him about how one of the top comments at the time when I saw the YouTube video was one of surprise at no porn having the song in the background.





On other news, I had class again today. A bit more real than yesterday. I might have a word on my instructors later, but for now there's one thing I just had to write about because I can't stop thinking about it him. I know... At this stage I should no longer get distracted thinking about LesMisGuy but there I was, thinking I was paying attention to the class, when I suddenly realised I was thinking of him. Couldn't shake the thought of him, either. I wondered where he is now. I remembered kissing him. I wondered if he remembered and then I wondered some more, asking myself if he regretted the fact that nothing ever happened between us. Pointless as questions go.  

I don't suppose that's a very worthwhile bit of thought there, but something about sitting around in class made me remember him all of a sudden and I thought that was somehow relevant.

On actual news about my life and its comings and goings, life with aunt A is very difficult, to say the least. She's stubborn, she's spoiled, she's worse than a bratty child, and I absolutely hate the fact that she will raise her voice at odd times to make her point, to be more noticeable,  to intimidate me into saying she's absolutely right and not to bother her. Even when I'm actually sensible about what I'm saying. We're enrolled in a gym, you know. And she's fucking supposed to go, because she needs to lose the weight because: health  problems. But she's lazy, and she thinks she's smarter than me, and she comes up with stupid excuses not to go to the gym. When she was lifting a heavy bag I offered going to the gym might help. She retorted that at age it's hopeless and I'm absolutely wrong to even suggest she an work out, leave alone get stronger. What a foolish idea: exercise helps you build muscle. She just can't do anything that can make her better because: old age and arthritis. I mentioned we had time to go to the gym after we finished running a few short errands and she stalled. She bloody stalled during the errands knowing we'd be too late to go to the gym. 

When I insisted even after this, because there was a little time, she said she'd just leave me there and then pick me up later. She picked me up later two and a half hours later. I swear she did it on purpose. Fuck the traffic. Fuck the rain. She figured I don't like going to the gym and making me insist on going there was worthy of me being punished by being left there far longer than I'd use for a work out session at this stage. The boy, though? Him, she spoils rotten and there's nothing I can do because she won't even back me up on decisions like making him try food that doesn't come in a happy meal.

She likes being the "nice" aunt who spoils him and argues that she should spoil him now, while she can, because she can. Even though she complains about him being a fucking pain with how he never lets go of electronic devices and how he never eats properly. Ugh!

And no, I'm not quite done yet. Do you know what I also hate about aunt A? The fact that she thinks I'm too stupid to realise she used "go find______" as a diversion so she could stock  the shopping cart with tons of organic and yet nevertheless unhealthy food for her. Organic potato chips are still potato chips. Organic candy is still candy and will raise her blood sugar. I didn't say anything. She actually gets mad at me for pointing out, even in a joking "you're too exaggerated, aunt," way that she shouldn't eat any of this. I'm nagging her to keep track of her blood sugar levels. I don't think she does it on her own and I'm not sure I can go on remembering because to be too honest, I don't bloody care enough to be nice and remind her of it.

Do you know why? Because there's yet something more I hate in this situation. That she counts on me to be quite like a maid. I offer to do the dishes, organise the kitchen, help with the laundry and take up projects like giving the dog a bath, cooking, cleaning out the fridge and washing out mats... you know, general "helping around the house." With things she doesn't do because she's too lazy to do or too dirty to bother about doing. Like the fridge. Which had gone without cleaning for over a month. There was food in there that had expired 6 years ago. It didn't bother her. I'm the one who offered to do it. While I did it, to be useful, she took to organising some of the kitchen drawers. Sometimes she'll take up washing the dishes, and sometimes? She'll  go into her room and wait until I'm done washing the dishes to come out and help with whatever she can. Sometimes, like today and tomorrow, she'll count on me doing everything she plans on. 

Tomorrow she's arranged to have lunch, a card game and tea with her friends. I helped her plan a menu around baked chicken, a salad, rice, a dessert and some cookies. She suggested a fairly complicated mousse dessert. Fine, I'll do it. I started working on it tonight blitzing the strawberries and sifting the juice. I opened up a coconut. I even baked cookies and hid them so she doesn't eat them before her friends get here. I would have grated the coconut but she doesn't own a decent grater. Can't tell her that, though. Same goes for the potato peeler. It's ages old and very uncomfortable to use, but at my mention of "wow, this is one old potato peeler" she got upset and barked "it still works!". Mostly, I hate her thinking I'm stupid for not noticing that she purposefully uses me. I hate her thinking that she can trick me into not realising she's doing things she shouldn't. I'm tempted to believe she might actually own a very precious, very expensive, item of my mum's and is hiding it from me on purpose. 

Because she likes to have things her way and making up stupid excuses for herself as she goes. She needs nothing more than a little validation and there will be no changing her mind about anything. Ever. Massively annoying. 

On rare occasions, she tries to be nice and make up for the times when she feels she's lashed out unreasonably. She hardly ever notices this, though so it never quite undoes the damage. i do my best to be nice but goodness knows she does not deserve it. The fact that my uncle is very generous and is married to her does not entitle her to abuse me like that. And yes, I'm calling it abuse. She doesn't get a right to take advantage of my willingness to help, nor my good nature and she certainly doesn't get a right to bully me with mind games, intimidating shouting and overall bitchiness.

It upsets me. Thank goodness mum's a saint and I'm sort of turning into her but I don't think I'll be able to keep up for long.



Oh, a quick side note. I can't quite stop myself. I keep trying to start conversations with EBF. All pointless, I must say, but I can't keep myself from trying nonetheless.

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