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Saturday, 4 August 2012

Happy birthday, ma

It's my mum's birthday today, if the title didn't clue you in. The old man suggested we (him, my sister and me) all chip in a little money to buy her a present, except he half-assed it and decided we should just give her the money in an envelope. I know she would have just spent it on meaningless necessary things like parking fees, gas and paperwork and I firmly believe gifts should be indulgent. So we went out to buy her a present. She insisted on going to a cheap place rather than a shopping centre, so we did. She got things she needed but were fairly indulgent: two pants, a pair of shoes, and socks. I insisted on a couple more socks and some of those make-up removing wipes she likes so much. I told her not to worry about the money. We ended up spending almost double what the old man was expecting to spend and I covered the extra, not mentioning a word to him. I also haven't mentioned the fact that I paid for some of the groceries necessary to make mum her favourite meal (my recipe of Vietnamese spring rolls). 

It was my aunt A's idea that we go out for lunch at a restaurant today so we (read: mum) wouldn't have to worry about getting the house ready to entertain guests, or cook, or anything. The old man had other plans of inviting relatives over tomorrow for tea. It would be bearable, but he has more plans for tomorrow, including going out to play tennis with my sister until noon and driving out of the city for lunch. That means that while the two of them go away to play, aunt A, mum and I will have to make do getting ourselves and the house ready before we leave to meet them as they come out to go have lunch. That will have us rushing back to hurriedly put a meal together. Not fun, you could guess. And there's no reasoning with him, either. It was a stupid as fuck idea to book two hours of tennis courts every Sunday, and it's stupider yet to try and squeeze other plans on Sundays being aware of it. From a man who studies and works with project management, you'd think you could expect better. But he thinks we can get the house ready in a half hour and won't take so long to get ready, not to mention he doesn't seem too aware of the existence of his hag of a mother and how much of a bother it will be to set things up for her while we're gone.

Mum told him nothing about how I'm now penniless because I spent pretty much all I had in her gift. While I honestly thought it wouldn't add up to what it did, I don't regret any of it. It's not like I've got anything else to do with my money right now. I'm actually thinking of slipping mum some of the money I have left so she can pay for her credit card debt telling the old man nothing. It won't buy anything. She won't be able to use the card again. But she'll stop being harassed by the vultures over at the that debt collecting department.

As for the unspoken question: how come I have nothing else to spend the money on? Wasn't I supposed to meet AOB, EBF, CtThumbe and A before I leave? Wouldn't Friday and Saturday night make for great occasions for just such an occasion? Well, I don't fancy seeing A. It seems neither her nor her parents can make it tomorrow and if she comes over for a bit I can suffer it but I'm not looking forward to it. I tried to reach EBF and CtThumbe last night. CtThumbe had a big test to get ready for. EBF was going out partying with friends. I know it's the "nice"
 thing to do, but I was frankly a little insulted when he said "you and AOB are welcome to join us." It actually took me quite a while to think of a way to answer "hell, no" and I had to settle for something along the lines of "I know AOB can't make it and I can't really make it on my own." As for today... well, I'm now pretty much penniless, so I didn't try to contact anyone But EBF hasn't been online, A only just managed to say she might come tomorrow, AOB must be busy and I haven't asked CtThumbe how she did on her test. I sort of don't want to see anyone today. Or tomorrow, for that matter.

You'd think I could be more anxious about leaving. You'd think I'd be sorry if I don't get to say my farewells to the above mentioned before I leave, or if I don't make things right with the old man. You'd think I could care a little bit more and the truth is I don't. I'm quite numb about leaving, just waiting to see how much better or worse it can possibly turn out to be. I more often than not feel like I don't really have to say goodbye to anyone, because I don't need to (AOB, CtThumbe) and because I don't want to (everyone else). I won't make anything right with the old man because he doesn't deserve it. I've made up my mind to work and save so I can help out with the necessary expenses behind his back. I've made up my mind not to use any money he can send my way, rather preferring to have my mum chip away at debts with it.

Back on track, though, I actually mean it: Happy birthday, ma. Just give me enough time, I'll figure out a way to make life easier for you.

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