Search This Blog

Thursday, 9 August 2012

Don't ever let me become a stereotype. Please?

So, reporting again from the land of stereotypes. It's like a fucking film over here. People seem so very plain around here. That includes uncle and aunt A, mind you.

Uncle A is old-fashioned. 1800s old-fashioned. He wouldn't wash a cup he had coffee in or pick up the phone when he's next to it and everyone's busy in a million years. He's a fanatic, though he would never admit to it, and he's a dangerous fanatic because he's actually smarter than the average fanatic. He will actually try to argue his way out of the unreasonable things he believes in. I'm told he doesn't believe dogs should ever be bathed. He's anal about room temperatures. He's anal about food. He's a fucking pain in the ass for just about everything that overlaps his beliefs and the way he's so unyielding, even when facing reason, can be rather annoying. There's one more thing I find annoying: the way he's the reasonable one when compared to aunt A. He pretty much made her the way she is. It's on him.

Do I need to explain? I don't think it's necessary. As for my aunt A... if there's one thing to understand about aunt A it's that she likes tragedies. She may not admit to it and will even complain "everything's such a tragedy" but she actually indulges in them. Blood sugar too low? It's a damned tragedy, she needs some of the stowaway candy she keeps in her purse. Blood sugar too high? She needs a dose of insulin, except she always takes too much and needs more candy. Politics? It's a damned tragedy and she's given up on every politician who has ever lived. Trivial news stories about the health of important-ish people? Damned tragedies more important than stories about things that could change the welfare of thousands because "human lives and stuff." Perspective? Lost. Chemicals in food? Damned tragedies because everything will give you cancer and if only I were her age maybe I'd understand. To aunt A, the citric acid in vitamin C is poison next to the citric acid in lemons. Same bloody thing, huge bloody difference to her. Salt? The one from mines, she says, is purer than sodium chloride. I know she doesn't know chemistry but she should be smart enough to understand that no matter how you get to the end product, a chemical is just a chemical and on its own, given it can also be found in nature, it's hard for it to be harmful.

She doesn't mind aspartame, though. Or whatever crap goes into the candy she eats. Or the dozens of pills she and uncle A pop down every day. Those are natural, she says, and natural things doe't ever interact in a negative way with anything, nor can you ever have too  much of them. Bollocks. Have too much of anything and it'll kill you, no matter if it's natural or not. Goes for nuts of Brazil and tomatoes, if I remember correctly, and I'm sure it goes for plenty other things.

Goodness forbid I ever turn that way. I've actually had big salads every day since I got here. I can adapt to change. I will adapt to change. 

To be too honest, I don't actually miss my family. It feels odd when aunt A says we should call because I can't think of anything to tell them and I don't really want to talk to them. I'll admit seeing the old man tear up at the airport made me almost tear up too, and all I could think of saying to him (though I didn't, for obvious reasons) was "Make me proud, old man. Do right by mum and my sister." Right now I don't even miss EBF, A, AOB or SmTn. I'd like to write SmTn an e-mail and mock everything I can from here. I've even thought of a title: "I've found a fountain of youth." I haven't gotten around to it yet.

I'm busy trying to make sense out of the registration process for the two bit college I'm supposed to attend. I'm supposed to wait for an e-mail from a lady who said she'd meet me so we could make arrangements regarding the subjects I can skip, but she hasn't got back to  me yet. And I'm quite sure I'm fucked if I don't manage to get seats by tomorrow. I tried doing it myself just now, if only to score seats while I can get them and guess what? The site crashed.

No comments:

Post a Comment