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Friday, 6 April 2012

More than underqualified

CtThumbe said she'd like to ask me for sex advice. Goodness... I'd love to be of help, but I'm horribly underqualified for this sort of thing, aren't I?

[8:35pm edit]
I wonder... do you suppose I'm trustworthy, or at least seem trustworthy? Because I've been doing the math and there's quite a few girls who've asked for sex advice from me, even though they all know I'm far less experienced. Is it because I'm more knowledgeable? I don't know... I don't suppose I am, and at best, with my limited experience, it's all I can do to repeat the things I believe in my heart to be "right" and "forward." Even if I can't bring myself to actually live by the standards I preach, I have to try and make a case for sex as a positive thing, not one to be ashamed of, not something given away and lost forever. It strikes me, then, that even though I'm a little broken myself, sex-wise, my friends seem to have it worse off. I can convince myself of the things I try to preach. I can't break through to them. It's horrible because I wish I could do more to help when they feel shitty and I can't. 

I have self-esteem issues of my own, and we won't be delving into that here and now. Suffice it to say that I wish I knew more, I wish I knew better. I wish I could actually be of help and say words that will get through to them and encourage them. Maybe some of that would somehow end up helping me out, I don't know... 

On another note, talking with CtThumbe about men inevitably (ok, I could have helped it because I'm the one who brought up the subject) brought up LesMisGuy. CtThumbe offered a different explanation, one I don't think I'd even bothered to consider up to this point. I'm still not quite buying it, as there are still a few issues with this theory, but it's worth considering officially on the blog, I guess... Out with it, then: she said maybe he didn't want to get too attached knowing I'd be gone soon. I wish I had reason to think he'd get too attached. I wish I had reason to think it all meant a lot to him. I'm afraid I can't quite believe he'd go all the way to kissing me and only then deciding he'd rather not follow through. Would he really have me believe he's not interested because he actually is? Wouldn't he attempt to explain and excuse himself? If he actually cared all that much, would he knowingly hurt me without even trying to ease it out? It doesn't make a lot of sense, and doesn't really make my mind easier. But I'd be a very unfair judge if I didn't obsess about every crazy explanation. 

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