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Wednesday, 11 April 2012

I know I'm self-centered but fuck that, I need to rant

I've been missing a couple of bits of information I've been neglecting. They've collected for long enough, and they might help explain this rant. 

Not just due to a hormone change, A is a fucking mess. She's been fighting with the friends she goes out with. She gets mad at them for stupid reasons, resents them for leaving her out of reunions, and essentially is very childish about the whole thing. Mind you, these are friends from school2 who aren't exactly her best friends (a question of who her best friends really are arises and I can't answer it). Truth be told I kind of see where she's coming from when she feels left out but she's so insufferable I almost understand if she's being left out on purpose. 

She only every  other week or so fills me in on the ins and outs of how she's doing with her friends. Last weekend her grandfather passed away and both my mother and common decency required me to leave her a message, so I did. She wrote back saying it's really best for him to rest already and then moved on to say the death has been calming her down from being furious at her friends. I asked what had happened. She asked if she hadn't told me already (reminiscent of EBF with big issues, innit?) and then went on to explain what petty troubles trouble her. After that she's asked me to have lunch with her at a place of her convenience. The way she says "oh, if you come in a certain way then you won't have to walk so much :)". What the fuck is that smiley face supposed to do? Mask her fucking selfishness?

I know she only comes to me when everything else fails with her other friends. I know I'm one of her oldest friends and I'm always there for her. I know she's manipulative as fuck and thinks she's subtle about it because I don't mention it. It's not just the lunch thing. It's that I'm sick and tired of her using me as she sees fit. I don't mind it much when she doesn't require much to be done, but it's wearing out my patience as it adds up. It's rainy today. I have to carry a fucking big and heavy bookbag. Do you suppose she cares? No, she'll have me go to her because "she's on a working schedule" she doesn't actually respect (she doesn't even work when she's supposed to, and took offence at not having internet availability to waste time with... I reckon it's important, but she can spare a couple of hours for the important e-mails). If she needs to borrow a book it's me again bringing the book to her for her convenience. I even get a weak feeling that she's told me we should go to a somewhat more expensive restaurant just to "show off" that she can afford it. 

I mean, fuck. I know I might be making this all about me but it sure doesn't have to be this way, right? It's not supposed to be this way. It's just not. 

On other news, I ran into EBF as I left campus yesterday night. We talked for less than a minute when N2 rang asking where the fuck he was. He explained he'd run into me and another friend. He hung up. I said he had someone waiting for him and made to walk out. As I did, he told me we should go out for dinner/lunch some time. Yeah... not a fan of the idea. I pointed out they've taken the coconut lemonade out of our favourite restaurant's menu and it sucked. He asked if we should change locations. I said there was another restaurant we could try. I shouldn't have mentioned it. I do too often remember the shit I wish I could talk to him about, that I wish I'd told him about (like this restaurant) and then feel incredibly stupid when I realize nothing works the way it used to and I'm just adding up the waste. He asked when. I asked him to decide and he acknowledged he's the one who never has time to spare. We left it at that and as I walked away I got the distinct feeling that it was just  like when I run into acquaintances and they say "we so have to go out and catch up!" and I know we won't because they just don't mean it. 

Maybe going away won't be so bad after all.

I still owe AOB dinner.

[10:43pm edit]

A's talking to me. She told me during lunch that she had to go buy clothes for the funeral because she wore a pair of black pants on Saturday (beats me why she couldn't wear them again tomorrow). Now she's all about how she bought such pretty clothes. I don't even know what you're supposed to say to that. Oh, but it gets worse. I tell her "so it wasn't all that bad" (she spoke of it as something tedious) and she goes on and on about how she had to try a million things on. Uh-huh. 

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