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Sunday, 8 April 2012

I have issues... you already knew that

I have the most unreasonable fear of fucking up. More so in public. I'm still very ashamed of how I fucked up when given the chance to teach a big class with another two teaching practice classmates. So much so I've refused to answer our professor's last e-mail asking if we'd like to take over again. Maybe the other two will. I don't want to make a fool of myself again. I had a dream where I didn't want to teach the class but one of my students made me end up going. I wasn't going to do much, but I ended up helping teach a little. Except there was some other girl, and it was her who fucked up getting the students confused. Some guy was asking about how you'd know that a certain polynomial had integer roots and she made a reference to some theorem that can locate eigenvalues within disks in the complex plane that were bound to contain integers. I was glad it was someone else fucking up and confusing them. But then again, when it was my turn to do some silly calculation I got a little lost. It's only too good we ran out of time then and there. What an awful dream....

I remember another dream, one where I was looking for some sports shop but on the way there I stopped at restaurants and asked for cooking lessons. They weren't fancy restaurants, just the kind that serve lunch on a daily basis to whomever works near them. I remember that the last one I asked in offered an unreasonably cheap price for classes. They just looked at the money on my hand and offered classes based on that. I asked who would be teaching me and they said it was some girl who'd graduated as a chef in one of the local academies. I don't remember much else about this dream.

There was another dream where I'd been cooking desserts for my cousin's wedding. Really, I just had quite a few left over from something else and I just put them together for some reunion or other. There were desserts made by someone else too, and my aunt complimented these last ones. After a while she pulled me to the side and told me that the desserts were a huge responsibility and she was thinking of hiring them elsewhere. 

Possibly in another dream, or in the last one, I was also with my cousins. In this dream I was in school1 and people kept making me walk around. They told me to walk in high heels but I refused. They asked me to compromise wearing not so high heels but I refused again. Strangely, when I walked without any heels on my pants' hem went up to my breasts and folded a little at my feet with the excess fabric. I was trying to be menacing and rebellious about not wearing the heels. 



I'm now addicted to Gotye and Kimbra's "Somebody That I Used to Know."



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