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Thursday, 29 March 2012

Fear

I told N1 off on Wednesday night. I'd had enough of her drama, to be honest, pretending her already good situation is somehow bad and expecting validation I get tired of providing and failing to provide truthfully. Among other things, I pointed out her "being scared" to read a sex fantasy isn't so much fear as an adrenaline burst, which can be caused by fear among other things (hers would be one of those other things). Why bring up fear?

As I walked (only just a tad bit late) to today's topology partial exam, I walked past LesMisGuy. Like last time, I almost had an instinct to say hi. Unlike last time, I was running the fuck away from him as soon as possible. I know I saw him and took a dive to the right to get lost in the crowd. I know that when I arrived at the topology exam my hands were shaking and it was a good 20min before that stopped. Then I started thinking about it too much, as I always do with such things... He wasn't wearing "regular" clothes, you see. He was dressed in a particularly smart fashion. Buttoned light blue shirt, with a grey sweater over it. I'm going to stop myself short right there before I reproduce any of the only too expectable nonsense that poured out of my brain upon realising that fact. The point I was trying to make is that my case isn't one due to a simple adrenaline burst. I actually followed an immediate instinct to run the fuck away. What does that tell you?

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