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Wednesday, 6 April 2011


So, I've got a game theory homework assignment to work on, and not only have I not a clue what to write (because I understand almost nothing), I can't focus. I just wanted to say a thing or two about the songs I've had stuck in my head lately. Yesterday on my way here I kept playing the music that plays during the beast's transformation back into a prince in The Beauty and the Beast

No idea why. 

Today it was "Do you want to touch me?" as sung by Gwyneth Paltrow. 

Which is weird because I didn't really like the song (don't really like the song) and haven't been playing it lately. Also weird? I couldn't remember anything beyond the ukulele in "Elephant Gun." 

Oh, shit. I also have to finish reading Le Tartuffe. Fuck.

On other news, LesMisGuy didn't show up for class today, which made my day feel particularly pointless (which I realise is particularly cheesy). It was ExamGuy who told me what we have to hand in tomorrow. Still wondering if it's just the fresh cut grass vs. dirty school bus smells making the differences here. When you consider I'm not all that crazy about physique and ExamGuy's not famelic, he's sort of better looking than LesMisGuy. No beard, though... That's a minus in my book. My point being, I'm not sure why I like LesMisGuy if I chose him rationally when it's more rational to fancy someone else. Now I'm rambling... but humour me.

I had this idea stuck in my head for a while today when I was barely able to listen to my own thoughts (some kids were singing, laughing, and overall being a bit loud for comfort in public transportation). I know I'm weird. I know people don't get to know the real me very often. I know people bother less often than that to know the real me. I don't have a boyfriend because it's hard enough to be as weird as I am and be liked for who I am. I realised there's only one person (and that's a maybe) who liked me for me, R1. Sucks, doesn't it?

It put my urges to tell LesMisGuy everything about myself (or rather, blurt out facts in the most inappropriate manner imaginable) in perspective. I figure it's my weird way to flirt. When people flirt, for the most part, they're trying to get noticed. Once they've got attention, they're trying to be liked. I'm trying to be liked. The emphasis, though, isn't so much on being liked as being the one who's actually liked. It's very unpleasant to be liked because I resemble people I'm actually not and men seem to fall for the resemblance. Oddly enough, I seem to resemble several different types of woman.

Still very irritated by men who ogle me and gesture in the street. As I got on my way to university some guy I walked by pouted his lips and looked at me in a way that made me whisper "Mother. Fucker!" out loud. I hate that. I hate being seen as someone random men would like to bone. I guess that's one particular persona I don't like to turn into, if you think of me as that girl from Demo. Only I don't suit all tastes.

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