Search This Blog

Monday, 11 April 2011

A quick update of sorts

You know that dream I had that I'd taken the wrong bus? I was extra careful to take the right bus, only it was the wrong one. Not sure it was down before, but in my dream I'd taken a bus that dropped me off at the station following the one where the right bus stopped in the right bus' schedule. I just figured, in my dream, I'd hop on the next one going back one stop and I'd be at the right place. The right bus that turned out to be the wrong bus didn't stop at station I'd normally take the next bus, so I had to get out, hop on another bus and get there. Only that wasn't the right place to change buses and I ended up going to the stop I would've gone to in my dream so I could get on a bus that would leave me near university. *Whew* Exhausting.

Let's move on to today's class. I was barely on time and managed to sneak in right before they closed the door. LesMisGuy wasn't there. A few people walked in once the door was closed, so I had just decided LesMisGuy wasn't going to show up when he did. Figures. As he walked behind me he put his hand on my shoulder. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have time to think that was kinda cool. And then he settled for pressing keys on his phone. So I felt like I did when I was jealous of a box of matches, not knowing what he was up to. And then I lost concentration and gave up on CartoonishGuy's presentation of the Banach Tarski paradox, so I settled for trying to think of problems my students should solve tomorrow and then just stared into space. When the presentation was over our professor asked us to decide how we'll be getting the class notes into .pdf documents and people raised hands to pick a part of the course. LesMisGuy raised his hand when another girl raised hers, for one of the last (if not the last) subject available. I failed to raise mine because I was both hoping for a subject no one was working on yet and a bit absent-minded.

I walked out of the classroom and noticed LesMisGuy talking to the other girl about working together. So instead of catching the lift down I stood outside trying to call Srq to ask if today's measure theory class was, in fact, cancelled. As my luck would have it, I couldn't make the call, so I caught up with LesMisGuy going out and we walked out together. He said the class was cancelled and I said I'd walk over to the classroom just in case anyone was around. He was headed to Pentagono to meet with a student of his (a girl, I gathered). When he said goodbye he kissed me and put his hand on my arm, so I put my hand on his side as I said goodbye. It was 3 parts reflex to one part instinct (the kind that makes me stumble into him). I did have time to think I just might do the "I want to do something silly" line. I did. Promise. But you know me. Well, maybe you don't. You do know I'm insecure, right? I'm insecure. The thought of him possibly being busy chatting with some girl (I always imagine it's a girl), the fact that he said hi to some woman (she did seem a tad older) sort of put me off. And then there's the fact that he was already going to meet some one (girl). So there's that.

But that's just terrible, because it struck me as I sat on the bus back: if he keeps meeting students (girls) like that I'm bound to be late telling him I fancy him. I'm bound to be. I mean, it's really just a matter of time before some girl gets minxy and goes for it. And to be honest, I can think of too many reasons why he'd go for it too. So, I had better grow my balls quickly. For now, I can only aid myself of reason to fight my insecurities. At that, I can only sort of explain why it's mostly girls who seek his help when it comes to maths: as a guy, it must be pretty freaking intimidating to ask a guy who's big, tall, smart and gorgeous for help because it would only prove their own inabilities. For a girl, well... it's a damn good excuse to be with a big, tall, smart and gorgeous guy. I really have to get it together, then, don't I?

In case it's worth anything and random men on the street are to be believed, I looked quite pretty today (even though I didn't feel particularly pretty). That's good, right? I mean, for one I looked good when around LesMisGuy, he's bound to have noticed, it's got to be worth something. And then again, if there's ever going to be something to tip the balance in my favour, and not some other girl's (especially one of the younger girls he might be teaching), it's not going to be looks. I have to admit that if I think of it a bit too literally in terms of what's practical, he had better take one of them, you know? I can't help but assume they're minxy, I can't help but imagine they'd be more experienced, I can't help but know they're bound to be prettier. It's a matter of taste, then, and I hate to be a bottle of wine but that's what I'll have to go for. Yes cheap drinks are cheap and trusty when it comes to get drunk. It takes a finer taste (not that I'd know, most drinks taste horrible to me) to enjoy getting drunk on fine wine and prefer it to the alternatives. Right.

I'm quite a disaster, aren't I? Let's just end this on a happy note: I'm glad we went back to kiss greetings. And I think it's a bit awesome that he put his hand on my shoulder. And I hope today's reflex hand on his side can somehow find a way to turn into a hug in the future. Because that would be full-blown awesomeness.

No comments:

Post a Comment