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Thursday, 31 March 2011

Mediocre

And I'm not just saying. I scored a 3.5 in today's functional analysis exam. Should've been better but I freaked out, I was intimidated by having the professor and CartoonishGuy watching me think and write, I was uncomfortable, clawing my nails into my palms and unable to think straight. I couldn't even remember stuff I'd studied. Fuck, was that a shitty time. On other mediocre news, I barely passed the game theory exam. Doubleplus fuck. Not so bad, but still, pretty shitty when you consider everyone else scored 4+ grades. And measure theory? That's one big fail I'm not sure I'll be able to recover from: 2.2. I scored just over 3.5 in the homework assignment, that 2.2 is not a good grade. I need to get better grades to pass the subject and I am truly worried that I might just fuck up. And I can't afford to. I gotta take topology in another university next semester, by the looks of it. This isn't even close to being the nightmare I'm guaranteed to be in for next semester.

A couple of things to mention: I don't remember much of my dreams last night, except I was someplace where I'd been before, in shallow waters in the sea. I'd been there years before and I'd gotten a huge thorn on my foot, something I'd stepped on. I went back with 2-3 other people to check the place where I got it, I pulled it out of my foot (it must've been at least 1cm at the base and 4-5cm long) and searched the sea floor. I noticed a small stump and figured that was it. When I pulled it, I was surprised to find it was a foot, about the size of one of my hands, greenish and pale in colour, where the toes melded into one single pointy nail. Turns out it was that pointy nail I'd got in my foot. Boy is that weird. I'm sure there was more to the dream, but it's all I remember now, not to mention it's a wonder I remember anything.

Game theory class was boring, LesMisGuy arrived with ExamGuy and the seats ahead of me were taken so LesMisGuy sat away from me and ExamGuy next to me. Turned out not to be bad. ExamGuy's a nice guy, I've said that before, right? He recognised my Philip Glass ringtone when some odd number called. He told me (against our professors plead not to talk about the exam) about the questions I might be asked today (it didn't help one bit, I appreciate the thought, though). We laughed at our game theory professor. It was nice. I tried to leave at the same time as LesMisGuy and talk to him a little (even though I couldn't afford to) but he got out quite a bit later than me, even though I stalled just outside to get stuff in my bag. I went to Pentagono, had a snack, went to the literature class, had lunch, studied a little more and spent an hour (rather than a half) trying to get do the oral exam. The professor was so disappointed, I'm really very sorry to have performed so poorly. I spoke with the professor teaching my students integral calculus, made my way to see if I could do AOB a favour picking some papers up for him and made my way to the room the colloquium would take place in.

I thought I saw LesMisGuy sitting in a table right outside but didn't dare go to him. I felt awkward. I realised when he got in that it wasn't him at the table, and was only a bit relieved. The colloquium was boring, as usual. There was a minor (and I do mean minor here) event with LesMisGuy with some Runts. I offered him some and left the box within reach, so he often just took some. When only two pieces were left (one inside the box, the other just out of it) he looked at the box and decided not to have the piece. I laughed and offered him the box, pushing it so it was in front of him (lightly brushing against his arm as I did so, not that he'd care or notice). He put it back in front of me. I waited until the talk was over and he ran out (without even saying goodbye). I wonder why he walks out in such a hurry after the colloquia... I figure it might be to pay less for the parking space, but I just don't know if it would make that big a difference. Either way, pretty disappointing too.

Which begged the question: you don't suppose I hand pick the wrong guys to fancy on purpose, do you? I realise it's much easier to get along with ExamGuy than it is with LesMisGuy, just like it's easier to get along with Srq and I'm not sure if it's just me being awkward around LesMisGuy or if there's more to it (i.e. I really did hand pick the one who's a mix of EBF and D). I'm fucked up. You knew that already, right?

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