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Wednesday, 30 March 2011

Grasping at straws

I really have nothing to go on. If I trust my gut, it's telling me LesMisGuy may be single, but likely isn't interested. Which begs the question: why do I still want to tell him I fancy him? Regardless, I scored a fake 4 in the groups exam, which is good because rather than mean I know group theory it means our professor thinks I'm doing quite well. Not bad. I'm not so sure about tomorrow, though. I hope I don't fuck up too badly.

Back to LesMisGuy: when he walked in I just waved and that was the whole of our greeting. Then he sat down working on integral calculus exercises and I listened to the lecture, giving him an occasional glance. When the class was over he told me he's giving his students a 45 exercise homework assignment. I considered asking him if he doesn't have a girlfriend (it would've been a great way to ask) but settled for asking if he didn't ever have any spare time. He said he'd make it an all or nothing assignment. Still, that's a lot of time to grade papers. I think now that it might have been weird to ask him if he had a girlfriend then: I would have implied he needs to get laid or something equally awkward. We walked out together, he bought coffee, we sat near the classroom and ExamGuy and Srq joined us. When I waved at him, ExamGuy reached in for a kiss. I couldn't help but think "Oh hell no... I didn't get a kiss from LesMisGuy and I'm getting one from ExamGuy? Could we please switch?". I did sit quite close to LesMisGuy on the bench, though, it was nice.

When the time came to walk out of class I was feeling kind of let down. Whenever we touched LesMisGuy moved away, so I had my usual rejected and insecure reaction to that. I still thought to myself "never mind that, I'll tell him anyway, I'll get it over with"... and didn't. Not entirely my fault, though. We managed to walk out together and sort of talk, but the second we stepped out of the classroom and while I put my jacket on (which I realised only when I got back was a hideous match) he called a girl. Oh yes, a girl. He used the informal "you" form, that's how I know. He said he'd meet "them," so I figure it wasn't just the girl. Still. Insecure, I said it before. I walked out and he stuck around to meet these people. I know not who they are or what they were doing together, at the time we were discussing people with odd career jumps (I know, far from exciting, but it was better than silence). *bangs head against a wall*

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