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Sunday, 27 February 2011

I thought I'd forgotten

I woke up earlier than I intended today because I left the computer on and CtW IMed me. I thought I'd forgotten my dreams from last night, but all of a sudden I remembered a bit. I was in the apartment high up by the sea where we used to live, and my sister was there. There was a female dog there, she looked like a street dog, quite badly off. She was black and white (nope, not over it) and lay on the floor, quite sick. I was trying to help her out a bit, looking at a rash on her belly not unlike the ones indicating malignant (wrong word choice, the right word's evil) cancer in my little one. I was worried for her. I asked my sister to get me some eye drops, as there was some kind of goo on one of her eyes I dared not just wipe off. While my sister got me something else first and got back to me with the eye drops the dog died. I was broken. I was half hoping I'd get to keep her once I'd managed to nurse her back to health, and I was well aware of the resemblance to my little one. I even had time to think I didn't care much if she wasn't a very pretty dog, I could use the company.

Terrible, isn't it? To make things worse, by the time I realised the dog was dead, I noticed she'd been dead for a while. I just hadn't noticed. Now it's positively disturbing. Oh, and add that to the fact that I woke up to the smell of marigold. I somehow decided when my little one died that it's the smell of death. The reason? The vet recommended we used it on her rash, to ease the itch and the pain, so she smelled like it when she died. She smelled of nothing else then, not even herself. Want to know something sad? I kept the shirt I was wearing that day unwashed, hoping I'd have something to remember her smell by (my parents made sure to clean up my room), and it had no smell at all. No smell!

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