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Thursday, 3 February 2011

Before I get on with functional analysis...

Today was rather uneventful. I had to wake my parents up (they forgot to), we got on a cab to university (no cars allowed today, you'd be surprised) and I did my teaching practice. I got to the game theory classroom to find LesMisGuy wasn't there. I fretted for a while, wondering if he'd decided to skip class (with his 6 hour block and all), having made up my mind when both he and the professor were 20min late when they both arrived. He seemed to think about it, but he didn't sit on the empty seat next to me, he sat someplace else. There was a very cool moment when the professor did some remark about my name and why he remembered it. LesMisGuy and I exchanged glances and shook our heads disapprovingly. It took a while to realise it's been years since that last happened. It was actually kind of exciting, a sort of Rue Morgue moment, if you will. He got out before me and that was that until 4pm.

I took my usual seat and waited for him to arrive, but some other guy (from school1, remember him?) took the seat next to mine and we chatted about the Odyssey (which I was catching up on). LesMisGuy seemed to look for the seat next to mine, but upon noticing it was taken he sat a few seats away. The guys between us never left room for a clear view of LesMisGuy, so the whole seminar was actually not that exciting. When I got out I stopped by the door on purpose to tie my hair up again (it was just fine) hoping he'd notice me and say hi. Maybe we could walk out together or something. Tough luck, though. He said hello and goodbye, greeted me with a kiss (hand on my waist... weird? it is to me...) and left. I considered taking some other route out until I realised he'd taken the shortest one, so I followed not far behind until I lost sight of him about 3-5min later. I even hoped he'd get on the same bus as me, but no luck there either. I did, however, get to see him as the bus I was in passed by the spot where he crosses the street to get home. It was nice to be surprised like that, if only ever so briefly. And that was that, really.

I'm quite sorry, to be honest. I got all pumped up yesterday and was hoping to at least crack a joke about our game theory professor being something like Les Luthiers, only not funny or talented at all, bringing up stuff like in that act where the guy goes on and on about things completely unrelated, even talking about soufflés only to end up where he started. Anyway, I'm confused. I mean, it was great yesterday and then today we can't even walk out together? And we're not meeting tomorrow, so that's it until Monday. I'm left wondering how much of all that happens I'm making up, how much is actually meaningful and how much is him just being nice. I can't get my head around the fact that if we were, in fact, interested he could just ask me out. I wouldn't mind one bit if he did so through a cowardly text like I did. He should know by now I like him and he's got nothing to lose.

By all means, I don't think there's any time to waste if he's made up his mind. I can take nice for nice, and appreciate nice. But if there's more to it, then we've no time to lose getting to it! I know I sound like I'm in a hurry (and I sort of am, I'd hate to let the opportunity pass and have nothing be done about it), but I've also made up my mind and can't see why he seems so ambiguous. When the time's right (i.e. when we can talk properly) I'd like to ask him out again, see where he stands. I'll live if it doesn't work out. I wonder if he's interested and a little cowardly, or proud and wanting to be the one who makes the calls. I don't know if he's avoiding valentine's day or me, or if he has a girlfriend, or boyfriend, or wants nothing more than friendship out of me. I know I'm weird, and I realise he's doing about the same things I usually do, I must be just as confusing. It's just that I know why I do and don't do things (most of the time), I haven't a clue when it comes to him and I'll admit it's exciting to find he's not predictable, but it gets me worried that I'm delusional.

By the way, today's soundtrack was "Only the good die young," as sung by whatever-his-name is from glee.

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