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Thursday, 17 February 2011

Anxious for no particular reason

I have this feeling again, that of being constantly waiting for something to happen. I'd given it a name in another post, I just can't remember it. There, found it: "actively waiting". I like that term.

I'm actively waiting, and I don't really know what for. I'm well aware of the fact that quite a few things should be taking place by my doing, rather than me waiting around for things to just happen. Studying for functional analysis, measure theory, game theory, grading papers, getting USF syllabuses, telling LesMisGuy I like him... I should be doing things and right now I'm just jittery, typing random addresses on the chrome bar, hoping something significant will have changed by the time I'm done refreshing pages. Nothing much in the news, except that maybe the stupid strike will be over which will do sod all to help the city's traffic. Nothing much on youtube, blogger, guyspeak, emandlo, CRACKED, or any of the failblog pages. I think it's particularly stagnant times that get me jittery, only my reflexes are all wrong because I want things to happen without actually making them happen. So silly...

For one, A just asked if we're going out for dinner this weekend. I said we are because I need an excuse to wear my girly blouse. I'm going, she can join, I'll tell AOB, and the others can come with if they bother answering my facebook messages. I don't really care much if they show up. I could call them and make sure they do, but why bother? Then there's grading the papers. I could've been grading papers when I was next to LesMisGuy during the colloquium today. We could've quietly kept up some form of conversation. And yet no, I kept to myself and so did he. If he's not aware of the fact that I have a crush on him it will surely be because I've been doing little other than confuse him. I should be doing something instead of wishing I could be with him and waiting for him to take the lead. He's about as shy as I am and is too reasonable to understand I actually want him near me. I really need to get the papers graded... It will be a nightmare and I just don't know when I'll get that over with. Right... I'm sleepy, and I didn't study for functional analysis, at all. Let's hope mum doesn't feel like making me waste my time tomorrow if I wake up relatively early.

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